WAW Affair Confirmed - Advice?

[sandi2]

I am not defending her A one bit, but doesn't this seem odd when you see your own words putting this sentence together?

As to why I'm not extremely angry at her, W was the sweetest, nicest, etc. person in the world until having D(1). Her father died, and she shed maybe a single tear the entire time through the funeral, etc. She was always the type of person to wear her heart on her sleeve, and to see her reacting without emotion was hurtful then.

Then she got mixed up with OM, basically blamed everything in the world on me, and in some respects, although she never said it, it felt like she blamed her father's death on me.

I have been to a lot of funerals and if there is one thing I have noticed about people--it is the fact that they don't always react to the death of a family member like you expect them to. Look how she reacted to losing her friend back in school and yet when her own father dies, she hardly sheds a tear? Unless she could not stand the ground he walked on, I would say she was in denial or shock and the grief came out in different stages. Anger is one of those stages we go through. Usually we are just mad b/c our loved one died but who do you take it out on.....they are gone and if you get mad at them, how are you going to show it? If you are mad at God, how are you going to show it? Usually by lashing out at the one closest to you. You said it yourself, she chaged after her D was born and her father died. She needs professional help, and I personally think more than just a "counselor". I believe she was looking for anything to stop the pain, even if it meant taking risks with another man, b/c the way she probably saw things, you were not helping her by preventing the pain she was having to experience. She may not feel that she has anyone she can turn to for help.

But, let's say that she never had the baby and that her father never died. How was things then? You said she was great, but how about you? How was the MR? Do you blame yourself any at all for the breakdown in the M? If you don't and you keep all this anger against her, then you are going to end up with some bad problems yourself. You can tell yourself all day long that you are fine, but when you say she is going to have to feel remorseful and things of that nature before she comes back home.....it concernes me. She may not feel that remorse if you act all high and mighty and never accept any part of any of the problems in the R. That is how my H acted and in fact he went so far as to say he had never done anything wrong! I had to do a lot of praying before I could get my own heart right with God and to even feel remorse when my H was acting holier than thou. You see, he may not have had an EA, but he most certainly did do a huge amount of contribution to the breakdown in our MR. So, I'm asking you......what part did you contribute to the breakdown.....or are you saying that it is all her fault?

Sandi