I had a really good day today at college, we all went to the pub for 3 hours and laughed like hyenas. I was then going to call my ex tonight, but I just couldnt do it.. I sat there with the phone and dialled like 6 times, but I couldnt, fear I guess, fear of rejection, bothing him, not having the right to call him. Also though, he hasnt given me his number or new address, so whilst I could call his mobile, it feels that he doesnt want me to call him, else he would have given me his landline. That could be an illusion, but its how I feel.

Hey Julia, yes i had a fantastic time at Tang Soo Do Monday! I am going for my yellow belt soon !

Hey Lisa...I like that, good point "He's unlikely to revel his feelings to you particularly since he probably knows that it would have a big impact on you." - you really made me think with that. He knows any chink of emotion has huge significance, so the wall stays up I guess. I did rearead the MLC stuff as you suggested and my ex matches it to a T! (with anger, then depression, then replay and possibly he is now in withdrawal).

Rob, GFI.. no, no other income! Its ok, the universe has freed me up to finish my degree, which I am due to on 26th May. I couldnt have gone on like that, it was taking up too much time. So its a blessing!

Hey Cyrena, well, seems that everyone agrees he is perhaps in some kind of withdrawal phase. I imagine he feels terrible that he got himself into this R and feels like he has been through some kind of ordeal, which has got him lower and left him with nothing. So, its not surprising we are in little contact. I also thnk he lacks the balls to call me, but then he wont whilst she is around (although he did several times before Christmas?).

BMF is seeing him tommorow night for a chat.. I am curious as to whether he won that contract!

As for my birthday.. I think I accept it wont be great. My family are sending me nice pressies, everyone at college plans to go out in the lunchhour with me.. but the evening as yet, no plans. Last year, I spent it alone. My ex wanted to see me but wasnt up to it.. he came round the next day and finally admitted he had depression and he cried all night. It was one time we talked honestly.