Well, W just called back on my cell phone. She apologized for not calling me yesterday, claiming that she just noticed today that she had a vm waiting on her phone.
I shouldn't have called her. Expectation strikes again- I was listening for any kind of audial clue as to her state of mind, and I didn't hear any sadness. She sounded very upbeat when she told me that Thursday evening was "inconvenient" for her because she was going out to coffee with her friend Stephanie. She had a standing date with Stephanie for coffee every month or so, but it was usually on a weekend morning, never on a weekday evening. She told me to pick another date, and I put it back on her. She then said something along the lines of "let's see....you still have something going on Sunday evenings, so that's no good...." (Again with the focus on Sunday evening! I guess that's my "slot"...I can't imagine she still gives a $#!+ about what I do with my Sunday evenings.) She suggested Wednesday evening, and asked me where and when. By this time I was getting a big, uncomfortable knot in my stomach, and just wanted off the phone as quickly as possible, but I "acted as if", and maintained my upbeat tone as I told her that I'd meet her at the Starbuck's close to the Metro station she works near at 6:30. She said that would be fine and said something else in a very pleased tone that I couldn't make out. I didn't care- I was in physical pain! I just wanted off the phone, so I said "OK, I'll see you there.........Bye!" in the happiest tone I could muster and hung up the phone.
I probably should have made her pick the place and time too, but I just wanted AWAY!
I had given up on her. Why did she have to f-ing call back?.....here it is 40 minutes after the call, and I'm STILL tied up in knots!
Oh, G_d, this was a mistake......this was a HUGE mistake. I thought I could handle seeing her before the call came in, but that was when I thought I had my emotions in check. This shows me I still care about this too much, damn it. F*CK F*CK F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!
I've gotta f-ing detatch!
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
Theeerrreee Heeeerrreee.....