Well, I definitely would say we have a consensus here! I appreciate all the feedback.
But it's getting really odd now: I met W to take S6 to the Dr - his class has had strep, Influenza B, etc - a bunch of bugs, so we were just being careful - he had 102 temp last night.
Anyway, we were sitting there just teasing S6 and being funny - actually conversing really well. I didn't feel a bit awkward - I actually felt more like myself than I have in a long time, and it makes it so much easier to chat! We were even smiling at each other about inside jokes with the Dr - he thanked us for our patience, and both of us had the dorky joke of saying something about being his "patients" - you know that sort of stuff that probably isn't funny to anyone else.
So, anyway this was SO awkward. S6 was up on the Dr. bench waiting on Dr, and W and I were in two chairs, and S6 pipes up: "Do you think you two will get back together again, if Daddy agrees, and Mommy agrees?"
So, then the interesting part happened - W didn't say anything. In the past, she has been very quick to do that sing-song, nice-mom "No, honey." So, we just sat there for about 15 seconds not saying anything, and the tension was so high I finally said something really dumb, I'm so embarrassed. I told S6 "Maybe if you run around in circles 47 times in the sky!" I didn't know what to say - I kept waiting for W to answer, so that was my lame attempt at humor attempting to redirect. Luckily, S6 just laughed, and didn't try it!
So then it was very odd - so I just asked him about his mashed potatoes he had for dinner. He then pointed at W and said, " I don't think you would agree, but (pointing at me) YOU would agree."
It was the weirdest thing, but W just took over with the mashed potatoes theme, and luckily he just let it go.
So, what the heck does THAT mean? I'm asking on here, and letting it go - don't attempt to rationalize the irrational!
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I had pictures of W and I and family up - and a painting she had painted of her and I. I took them all down about 3 weeks ago. So W's first time in the house was last Friday, and I just now realized she must've noticed that!
That great that you got W in the house even if breifly. Who knows, maybe something there. I can imagine how awkward the conversation and time must have been being as long as this has been going on. I'm rooting for you JD.
Also wanted to say thanks for keeping up with me and encouraging me. I really need it. I appreciate it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Sorry for leaving you for so long...you've had great company tho and some good advice.
Seems like W is feeling a little left out from all the fun you are having. Her life must seem REALLY sucky up to yours.
This may be her way of trying to join in but remain non commital.
Go with the flow I say, don't encourage nor discourage, play everything as it feels right at the time.
Interesting though. My NC has had completely the opposite effect, W is further away than ever, I am grateful for that though. S21 told me today that she seems miserable a lot of the time...poor thing...NOT
You just take your time with everything mate and it will find its own way to you.
Yeah, kids say the weirdest things. A few months ago, my W, the kids and I are coming back from a day of just hanging out together. We're in the car getting close to the house and one of the twins (he's 4) says: "I want mommy to sleep at daddy's house!" I guess he's feeling the goodbye coming... My W just sort of laughs and basically ignores it and then switches subjects. I think those kind of things basically just embarass the WAS, but it probably doesn't mean much else.
I do think that there has been a change in your W's behavior. And time will tell if her attitude really has changed. Keep doing what you're doing and be consistent. It seems to me that's probably the most important right now. You don't want to change your behavior right now and make her question herself again. Keep the positive interactions going for a bit.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
I think Sam has hit the nail on the head - consistency is key right now. You need to do more of the same that has produced positive results and see where that leads.
Have fun on guys' night out! Ok, I realize you're already out since I'm behind you a couple hours. I expect details of all the fun tomorrow!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I appreciate all the feedback.
