BUNS, ABS, AND HEART OF STEEL

[cagzmom]

Trusting - the key to survival.. "i do not let it.." AGAIN I will learn from you.

[forward]

Trusting,
If I may suggest. Buns and Abs...yeah.

Heart of steel--no. I think you have a soft heart. Let it stay that way.

It's hard to be soft. That's when all the pain comes in. But keep it soft for yourself, and also for the next person you're involved with, H or not.

[TRUSTING]

I do have a soft heart for most everything else, but this situation.

Detaching is a form of protecting your heart.

It is survival in the MLC world.

Most standers though have the ability to soften their heart as the process nears the end.

I think the key is to be flexible when you feel more safe in your situation.

Does that make sense?

[ACJ]

I think the key is to be flexible when you feel more safe in your situation.

That's what I thought until this week and no my H is using my flexibility against me by being totally inflexible himself. I might just as well be back at the very beginning of all this b/c that's how much it hurts.

[TRUSTING]

I'm sorry ACJ.

We know the pain you are feeling.

These guys never cease to come up with more antics.

[TRUSTING]

Major update on my sitch...

Ex called me last night.

We talked for 2 hours.

I maybe said 20 words the whole time.

He talked about how bad his life was.

It was pretty pathetic.

About 5 of the 120 minutes he talked he had moments of what we would call spewing/blaming me.

The rest was about what financial ruin he was in.

He told me he will have to take me back to court to get the child support and maintenance readjusted.

I don't know if this will happen or not.

My father thinks he is just trying to pull me back in his drama.

Not sure what to think.

He is maxed out.

He blames all his financial problems on the economy.

None on his spending, womanizing, going on 14 trips, club memberships, etc.....

I did not bring that up.

Should I?

I sympathised

empathized,

and told him how sorry I felt for him.

[peacetoday]

T
that is a major update
I think you did well by listeing and showing support
I think somewhere inside their delusional minds they know the truth anyway--they created the mess
maybe this is a bottom?
Since your X has opened the door-maybe this can become a friendship?? to see if it can possibly lead back to the M
I dont know,
peace

[glamgirl]

Wow Trusting. That is a real break through. Sounds like my h spewing a few weeks back. You did good. Just listen and validate.

I wouldn't bring up anything with him. I think Peace is right, they know inside, just won't admit.

So that is the convo he wanted to have with you, but sounds like he decided to do it over the phone.

[Cinderellaman]

Superbly done by you !!! I am so proud of you !!!

[cagzmom]

Just listen.... really thats all we should do WITH EVERYONE.

T- think about regular "friendships" with people. I have a friend whos life is a train wreck...and she continually blames everyone else for some of the choices she has made - and the reprocussions of those descions. BUT HERE IS THE KICKER... she isn't asking for me to solve it - she just needs to vent. AND FOR NOW it is ok.

So, with your x. YES he has to have someone to blame. Cant look at himself..so of course YOU. YOU are the "reason" remember. HA! NOT!! I thought about that today for myself. I thought..."how you doing xh on that search for meaning and happiness...hows it workin' for ya."

Kindness, gentleness...the fruits of the spirit my friend. AND then there is this AWESOME other thing God gives us called WISDOM.

You are doing AWESOME!