So sorry to be saying it but the sooner you face it, the better.
The bigger issue is get some legal advice straight up. You don't have to get a D, but affairs and the whacked out behavior they cause can financially ruin you. Get your money seperated from hers ASAP. A 25 year old girl out on her own for the first time, whacked on affair high, is going to do some stupid stuff. Just like the idea of working full time (for the first time), taking care of your kid and being a thousand miles away from any support system. It's gonna get messy, ugly and expensive. Perhaps she will come to her senses but more than one guy around here has been ruined by their wife trying to prove she can make it on her own, or not even caring and just plain bleeding him dry. Protect yourself. Do not let her take the kid. Odds are you are gonna get screwed either way. Don't wind up screwed, broke and with your kid 1000 miles away.
DO NOT worry so much about her happiness. That is the tendency of the newby in these situations. The inclination is to be super nice and to surrender your b@lls. It gets you nothing. It only makes you look weak. Hard to believe now but in time you will know it to be true. Be kind, be civil, but concentrate on YOUR happiness. You need to feel happy, empowered, strong. It is the only way you can attract her back. It is also the only way you can survive this crap.
Quote:
Another main worry is that down the road she will discover she still isn't happy. But by then I'll likely have moved on and will be unwilling or unable to take her back
DO NOT worry!!!!!!!! That is her problem. She is chosing to screw up 3 lives. She ain't worrying about anyone but herself. You want her to KNOW there WILL be consequences. Why in the world would you want her to think she can be wild, try other guys, screw you over royally and the have you waiting for her to return. What value does that put on you? Again, you want to be nice, civil, kind, loving... but you have to be firm and stick up for yourself. You have to love yourself first, then her.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
Yes I would agree with everyone else here, all I hear is the focus from you for your wife to be happy.
That's admirable but kind of out of place.
It's probably what caused alot of this problem if I may be so bold to say so.
You have probably never asked for anything, you've probably done everything & anything to make her happy - all at your expense. The "nice guy" syndrome - it doesn't work.
When you show that your needs/wants are important without being a baby of course, you communicate that you are important, you communicate that you have value, you have self-respect, etc.
Currently you communicate that everything is ok.
It's ok that your wife had thoughts of having an affair. It's ok that your wife travelled to a vacation destination without you with some other man. It's ok that your wife had an affair. It's ok if your wife takes your kid away (she can't by the way, just so you know).
It's all ok because you're ok with that.
That's kind of boring and isn't very attractive.
Time to be a little assertive, you're a man, you have a pair, own them, stand up for yourself.
What she has done isn't ok.
Seriously bro, you invested all this time & energy into your wife during all of these periods of her depression, you took care of her every request and made sure she was taken care of and now that she walks all over like you're some doormat, you're ok with it.
I have to question something, are you really OK?
Make it known that she can't take your son away from you, you want joint custody and will do whatever is necessary to get joint custody. Heck, push for full custody - you can get it, she has a history of mental instability & depression - the courts don't rule what's favorable for the spouses during this event, they care what's in the best interest of the child. Removing the child from an environment which including a loving father (aka YOU) and travelling so far away to make you a distant memory wouldn't be in the child's best interests. Please don't agree with any of what your wife wants.
If she really wants out of the marriage and there is no chance in getting her back, it's really time for you to take inventory of your life (it's probably been a while) and start determining what you want in your life. Don't be afraid to ask for whatever you want - you're allowed, it's your life.
No more doormat behavior either. You don't have to mean or angry, you just have to stand up for yourself and tell her that what she is doing is not good for you or your kid and you will start taking care of your needs first and she can start fending for herself - you've cared for her long enough and were rewarded with this.
Stand up for yourself, no one else will do it for you.
...If she really wants out of the marriage and there is no chance in getting her back, it's really time for you to take inventory of your life (it's probably been a while) and start determining what you want in your life. Don't be afraid to ask for whatever you want - you're allowed, it's your life.
Even if she changes her mind and doesn't want out of the marriage, it still is time for you to take a hold of your life and start doing for you. It's not a bad thing to be selfish if you aren't doing it at the expense of others. Your life is important, time for you to believe this and make it so.
You are getting some world-class advice in this thread. The only thing I can add is my hearty agreement to what Robx, InLikeFlynn, and all the others have said: take care of yourself and your kid first and don't worry so much about your W.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
