you are an evil man...(and how did we hijack this thread?) I remember the days my brothers forced me to learn of John Riggins and Joe Theisman and the Hogs, and Joe Gibbs (his first time around)...yes, I am a LOYAL FAN...unlike some peeps around here. Sheesh! Okay back to marriage, or whatever... (( j ))
25--you and me both! I love my 'Skins, I proudly wear my jackets and sweatshirts, even when we are sucking air. Joe Gibbs was the greatest thing to ever happen to the team. Certainly, four Super Bowl rings is nothing to sneeze at, even though those darn Steelers have 6 now!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I actually did take a course in college on marriage. It was about 5 years ago and having been married for 20 years, I thought it would be easy credits!
Anyway, it actually was interesting to look at marriage from an "academic" standpoint, and I think that many of us students came away from that class having a different understanding of the institution of marriage than whan we went in with.
The basic bottom line is that marriage is exactly what the people involved make it. Period. As a society we can set acceptable norms, and expectations, but ultimately it is between the people involved. In a nutshell, it is when two or more people choose to follow the same life path together, at least for a period of time.
I doesn't really have to be forever. It doesn't really have to be monogamous. These are "rules" that have been placed on it by either "God" or society or whatever. But each person is actually free to decide what it means for them.
For example, in class, we read several stories of "designer marriages" whereby people had found solutions to problems by thinking "outside the box". One case, I remember, was where a divorced man and woman, who each had children from previous marriages, got married and moved in together only to find that there was a LOT of conflict because of the different ways each family had of doing things. As adults the couple could make compromises, but the children (teenagers if I recall correctly) balked at having to change what had always worked just because their parent married. Well, after almost getting divorced, the couple came up with an unusual solution. They bought a duplex, and knocked out a connecting wall and made that the master bedroom! Thus each "family" maintained their autonomy.
I think that where people really sabotage the possibility of having a happy marriage/relationship, is when the reality does not measure up to whatever our visions of marriage are. We all have an idea of what we think (or were taught) marriage should be, and the truth is that, no matter what we think a "happy marriage" is, the reality is different. And I'm not just talking about one spouse not living up to the others ideals. It's also often impossible for us to live up to our own ideals!!!
So, my answer to the question......No, I don't think the "institution is defunct" at all! But, perhaps we could benefit from looking closer and perhaps expanding our definition of what "the institution of marriage" is.
JMVHO.....
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I took a marriage class in college too. Maybe it was just my age, but what I recall is talking about sex...a lot. That could just be how I recall things...(showing my priorities at the time.)
But no, I don't think it's defunct. People want to be in love and loved. They want loyalty and safety with their hearts. The proof of this, in our society at least, is a marriage certificate and ring.
I know what I want and what I believe can be. I mean as a "goal"...and it takes some form of committment. Something that says "I'm in this for the long haul..." And I don't know what else says that. Maybe another form of commmitment, but then, isn't it semantics? On the other hand, I'd be taking things so slowly b/c being wrong twice, would be untenable. So yes to marriage as a goal, but GO SLOW towards it...and carefully and thoughtfully and so much more intelligently.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
This is a great topic of discussion. The whole concept of marriage is a European phenomenom, undoubtedly predicated by the Judeo-Christian tradition. In my opinion, it's a form of possesion, not unlike a chattel. We've heard of how Eskimos are offended if guests do accept to be with their "offered" wives. In the Hispanola civilization B.C. (before the Columbus invasion), as in other "New World" indigeneous cultures, there was no such thing as property. In fact, women of that rich island society of more that 1/2 million inhabitants (the land now shared by the Dominican Republic and Haiti), use to frequently change partners. And this was not the exception but rather the tradition. And it worked fine for them.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I was talking about the place where women get lots of partners and no one minds...silly.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
