WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 4

[AnotherNightmare]

She pretty much thinks that my wife can't let go of her hurt/abandoment/anger with me just like it was with her father.

My therapist doesn't think it makes any sense why she doesn't/can't let go of the hurt and try love.

There may be many reasons. Maybe she still feels the hurt. Most likely she still has not healed, i.e. she has not let go of her resentments towards you and/or your behavior. And by pursuing her, by trying to convince her otherwise, by making her think and talk about her hurt, you and your C just reinforce those resentments. She is probably not able to get closure on this. And as long as that is the case, she will not try love. The most important thing for you to understand is that she needs time and you need to give her that time. You must be patient.

We have our marriage counseling session on Monday. I'm not sure if my wife will go, but if she does, my therapist wants to try and get her to talk about letting go of hurt (or at least understand why she doesn't/can't).

To tell you the truth, I still do not think that your MC sessions are very productive. It just seems to remind her of her hurt and to reinforce her resentments.
The same goes for your IC sessions. If you keep talking about your W, you get nothing out of them. Ask your C to help you heal, to let go of your anger.

I guess the bottom line is that she agrees that if my wife wants to hold on to hurt/anger/resentment, my wife will never be able to actually make the marriage work.

Yes, a resentful R does not work. But you need to let go of your anger and resentments as well. If I read how often you write this about your W, it seems to me you resent her for not letting go of the hurt. If she is resentful, you are most likely, too. Compassionate is actually the opposite of resentful. Or at a minimum you cannot be compassionate and resentful at the same time. If you are not able to see her side of the story - and you prove that over and over again with what you write here - you are not compassionate. If you are not compassionate, you are probably resentful or angry. That is what you need to work on.

Writing or thinking about her behavior and how it drives you crazy does not help your healing process. It actually reverses the little things you might have achieved. Stop thinking about your W, think about yourself, figure out your own feelings and try to regulate your anger, especially towards her.

Since there is nothing that I can do about that, my therapist echoed what others have said here as well. Focus on myself and continue to make sure I'm ok so I can still be the father I need to be for my sons.

Do you truly believe that there is nothing you can do about that? You are saying it, but do you believe what you are saying? If you do, then act like you believe it.