WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 4

[MrBond]

NO! Do not give the control back to her because she doesn't know what she wants. Direct how things go from now on.

"I try to validate/be compassionate typically by saying "I can see how you've been hurt by the things I did". Are you saying then that I should say "So you're saying that because you are still hurt/angry that you can't find a reason to change your mind.""

What you said above is not validation. All you're doing is reminding her of her negative feelings. You have to try to be more specific with her yet not be too pushy.

The next time she says, she's hurt or that she's been hurt in the past, rather than having her shut down at that point, just ask, "how so?" This will put the ball in her court. If she says, "you know why." then just say that you don't or that you aren't sure and just wanted to have it clarified for yourself. If she still shuts down, then don't push it. Bring the question up again when she opens up again.

Stop thinking about her as your W and wanting to fix her now. You've got to have immense patience. Right now she's going through a MLC like my W. And you've got a good chance because she is actually at least mentioning her feelings.

You don't want to solve her problems for her, just lightly guide her to the right answers without her knowing. You want her to believe that she wants to stay because she came up with the idea herself.

Here's an idea. Rather than doing the same old things this weekend, try doing something new and different with her and the kids. Something to get her mind off of the relationship. Shake things up a bit. I think both of you could use it.

I'm trying this idea with my W and so far it's working at making her happier. The thing is to create POSITIVE experiences while she's with you and that includes no relationship stuff.