Jayce's thread

[Jayce]

17 days till Spring. I am SO tired of being cold! Its been around 10 the past 3 days. Maybe 50 tom'w. I need to be warm!

Finished a couple more books, started on Passionate Marriage. As usual, I found what sounded interesting in the table of contents & read some of that first. Yes, I'll start at the beginning today, but the chapter on Two-choice dilemmas & Normal Marital Sadism put me in a down mood that's lasted a couple days, especially in light of H's starting a big crab & sulk Sat. nite that he did nothing to make up for on Sun. No sex either night. I've always believed he starts stuff on purpose. Either to justify not feeling like ML or make me mad so he can blame not ML on me being crabby. Smoke screen in a way.

Anyway, reading about how spouses deliberately do things to hurt each other but refuse to admit it....... The scenario of the couple's counseling experiences is waaaaaayyy over the top for anything my H would ever consent to. Even if he did, he is the king of the Clam Act. And while he'd be totally silent, scowling, surly, I'd be having a real hard time not crying.

Other than people who cry to manipulate others, most of us cry when we feel helplessness and grief.

Interesting how the author differentiates being sorry and being remorseful. I'm sorry is only that, sorry. Changing behavior after saying 'sorry' is remorse.

This book is going to take longer to read than the others. Although I expect to get insights and see where I can make behavior changes, I have to wonder how much that'll help considering H is the poster child for avoiding change at all costs. I gave him the New Male Sexuality book in late September. On Oct. 10 he was on page 24. 2 weekends ago he read it after not touching it for about a month. He read it for aboaut half an hour today (cuz he know how bummed I am?-so it'll look like he's doing something for me?)and he is up to page 302.

I asked him last week if he had any insights so far in reading it. "Not really" Uh huh. I figure he thinks the whole thing is "stupid" and none of it applies to either him or us as a couple. I'm not optimistic about anything at this point, but I guess if I'm reading yet another book it means I'm getting up off the mat again. Just don't think I have it in me to do it too many more times.

Tell me something positive, you guys who are already part way thru or done with the PM book. Is it helping you in any way? Any optimism there?

Jayce