Maybe I should be in piecing part 6?

[Hope4us]

Thanks WDID.

So what am I supposed to do if she's looking at me for the reasons you said? If I touch her or try to give her a hug, it's like she doesn't want me touching her. Like a week ago. We were at the wedding and she kept moving her chair closer to me and when I put my arm around her she moved in closer. But when we left the wedding and were in the car, I put my hand on her leg and she pushed it away and slept on the couch in the hotel room that night.

A couple nights ago, I walked up behind her while she was at the stove and started rubbing her shoulders and it was like she couldn't wait for me to get my hands off her.

If it's the other suggestion, that's good. Guess we'll just have to see.

Yesterday was just weird. Morning was ok. Talked a little more than normal before I left for work. I was in a long meeting that didn't end until later in the afternoon. I sent her an IM to see if she had any plans for dinner as S16 had asked me what we were having and that started probably a half hour IM conversation. Laughing, talking, etc.

I got home before her and when she got home, I said "hi" and she didn't say anything. Just headed to the kitchen to fix S16 his dinner. I went out there and tried to talk to her about her day and she was giving me one word answers so I thought "F it" and went to the family room and started reading a book. She came in a bit later, sat down and ate and watched the news. S16 came down and bless his heart, sat down and kept telling W how much he loved her etc. Caught her looking at me a number of times again while she was laughing with S16. But she really didn't talk to me much. So about 8:00, she turned on American Idol and I said "I'm going upstairs to watch T.V." She said "ok".

So this morning she was very talkative and shortly after I got to work she started sending me emails and IM's like crazy. And it's been that way most of the day. So WTF?

Who knows what's going on in her head? I'm just going with the flow. If she wants to talk, I do, if she's in a mood, I leave her alone.

Thanks for the post.

[kat727]

Maybe she is trying to deal with those triggers herself. She isn't at the point where she can part with those "things" so she is attaching to you while at work to keep herself occupied. Just a thought. Could be way off base. Hang in there.

kat

[Hope4us]

Thanks Kat. I've thought of that sometimes when she's done this before. It's got to be a huge trigger for her to even work there where "they" met. And it can't help when she's got the A gift he brought her back from his family vacation perched right on her book shelf. She might not even realize just what that stuff is doing to her.

It would make sense because when she was on her temp assignment and in a different building, she was different. VERY BUSY and not in her normal office. And not around EGF. But that's different now because she's back to her normal office and around EGF quite a bit. Speaking of EGF, I almost could not maintain my composure a couple days ago. W said her bosses boss told her that the project EGF is working on WILL be done by the end of the year. EGF is on a contract basis and when it's done, she's done. Too bad I/we won't be around to see it, but that put a smile on my face.

I also wondered if maybe EGF brings OM up when they talk and that puts her in a funk. Who knows?

Anyway, thanks for the post. I appreciate it.

[whatdidido]

You asked what are you suppose to do if she's looking at you with sadness/anger. You probably won't be able to do anything, but at least you may know the conflict in her head perhaps. Maybe catching her eyes and giving her a warm smile would be all you need to do as she works through her emotions in her head. DOn't underestimate or trivialize the power of her feelings. NOt that you have....just a reminder.

The wedding. She may have wanted to "look good" at the event and look all wonderfully married? Or, she really felt those things, wanted those things, and then later didn't want to have sex so didn't want to continue or you would have wanted to? I would have asked about the hand brush off. Remember, you need to call her on those kinds of things.

The shoulder rubbing by the stove. I hate to admit that I did what she did at the beginning. I don't know why. I guess I just wasn't ready at the time, and I felt like my H was pretending that we were all great, when we weren't. I wanted to be touched like the OM touched me, and feel how I did with the OM, but I wanted it with my H and I wanted it to be real. It didn't feel real when he did it, and that didn't feel right. It took time, and it took me looking in that mirror of mine, it took me taking down that protective wall of mine, and it took faith.

I'm soooo glad your son is showing love to his mother. She needs that soooooooooooo badly from him after everything. As for her curt behavior. DOn't forget to say something to her when she does this. Over and over. If you were doing something that was stopping her from feeling love from you, you would want her to tell you, right?

I'm surprised she wasn't watching The Bachelor. It was quite an ending and recap.

[Hope4us]

I'm with ya. Not sure about the wedding. We ran into a friend of mine who's divorced now because her H cheated on her a couple times and W knows that this lady knows and W hugged her and talked to her for a long time, so I don't think it was an act. I just left it that she was drunk and who knows what she was thinking.

And we did watch the Bachelor. S16 watched too. And I LOVED him for watching with us because he kept making all these comments about how this show was worthless because how can you really know someone after 6 dates and the soulmate crap is a joke because all you have done is go on these "fantasy" dates and that's not real world, etc. Gosh I love that kid.

And then when he dumped the first "love" after a few weeks and moved on to the next one, S16 says "yeah, this is going to last". Bout spit my lemonade out when he said that.

[whatdidido]

I love watching the show just to see human behavior. It is quite funny even when it isn't suppose to be. I got to wondering about his first marriage. Was he the one to divorce because of lack of passion, etc.? Then, after the initial lust/passion with Melissa wore off, he went to Molly....seems like it could be a trend. Just realizing that love changes and you get to a point where you really need to work at the passion is what was huge for me. That thought escapes so many people.

[Hope4us]

Yeah, I loved it when Melissa said she hated him because he wouldn't even try to work on it. So many things she said were things I've heard here and so many things he said were straight out of the Fogged out spouse's handbook.

I hope with the comments S16 made and other things W and I have discussed when watching the show hits a cord with her. Not sure if it will, but it's so funny that W will rip on other people having A's and how stupid they are when they do things like the Bachelor did, but somehow what she did was different.

Heck, my XW cheated on me with an old boyfriend, it ended our marriage and they married 2 months later. Well, about 3 years later she cheated on him for the first of 3 different guys (that I know of) throughout their marriage. When we heard that she had cheated on him W and I discussed it and both agreed why would you marry someone who you cheated with knowing that their marriage vows don't mean anything to them. But then she does it.

Oh well. W has still been IM'ing me like crazy this afternoon. Telling me all kinds of things going on at work etc.

Talk to ya all soon.

[whatdidido]

Iming = good

Sharing her thoughts/feelings/events at work with you = good (form of intimacy)

Have a good night!

[InLikeFlynn]

I'm curious as to why you think your son believes he has to step into your relationship with his mother and throw these zingers or say tough things about how she is treating you?

[Hope4us]

Flynn, S16 tells it like it is. I don't think he feels like he has to step into our relationship. He is just not afraid to voice his feelings. He did this type stuff even before the A, so it's nothing new to him. Maybe he does this stuff because every time he's tried to talk to W about how he feels she changes the subject or walks away. Maybe he feels like this is the only time he can get what he wants to say out.

I do think he tries to show W what she'll be missing if we split up. I also think he feels like she doesn't love him because if she did, why would she do what she did? I constantly reassure him that his mother loves him despite what she did. That what she did has nothing to do with him or his brother or even me. But he's 16 so he just doesn't get that he's not somehow the cause of it.

I also know that he realizes that he can say things to her and she'll listen to him where she won't listen to me.

It's not like I put him up to this stuff. He has always just spoke his mind, and it's kind of refreshing.....