Hi Mr. Lost, I hope you stay and fight it out. I read your earlier posts and thought you called it quits, so happy to see you are still DBing.
I moved out. And it was the best move I've made.
Basically, H left in early December. Then he was staying a with a good buddy and coming to our place to see our S. Around Christmas things were bad. "We'd be divorced by now if it weren't for the economy"...."This marriage is over"......and just about every way you can think to say we're done, he did. H would come to the house during his breaks, after work, during the weekends to cook, tape his shows, do his laundry, etc. Simply put, he had the best of both worlds: no responsibilities at home and could leave whenever he wanted to go have a beer with his buddy to unwind and hit the hay. So eventually I set up a schedule where he now has our S on Monday, Wednesday until 8:30 and every other Thursday and every opposite weekend. Now, the irony here is I have more freedom and he has less. This is when I really started to GAL! And I love it. My H was having an EA with a co-worker. I knew it was never going to go beyond that and was able to embrace that and wait it out. As I thought, that imploded and exploded. Once that happened in mid January, things started to get better with me and H. I have a therapist who is wonderful and has really helped me. But I got a DB coach too and that has been worth every penny. I added the DB coach's advice to what I was already doing from Divorce Remedy and my therapist and really started to work hard. Things got even better with some back slides, but nothing horrible. (I am human afterall.) But right after Valentine's Day, H pissed me off some kind of fierce, so I told him the next day, I'm moving. He tried to stop me, even tried to use our S as a guilt trip. But I moved forward and moved out. There were many gasps here and I understood, it was a HUGE gamble. But I got a point where I was ready to do something, make an impact and for so long he's called ALL of the shots. I'm happy to say that while my husband still says things along the lines of the big D, he doesn't use the word. And since moving out, he and I have had the best conversations since this all started. He has actually given me firm examples of his unhappiness whereas before it was "I'm just unhappy." My H is now flirting with me and continues to see us everyday, even at my new place. Last night he said "I don't know what I want anymore." I don't know if he was referring to the possible divorce or what, but I simply said "You're probably the smartest man I know. You'll figure it out and you'll do the right thing." The hug I got after that.......there are no words. But for me, moving was the impact I needed to make. It worked for me, but I knew it was a HUGE, MASSIVE gamble so I'm not recommending it for you, but just letting you know, it did seemingly work for me. I'll keep you updated. And really it's still a roller coaster, I still get knots in my tummy. But I'm DBing my A$$ off here.
