Just to clarify the issue of me potentially loosing the house isn't about connections to the past it's about the fact that b/c I have been there so long and my mortgage is relatively low that to buy somewhere smaller in a decent area will be way out of my budget. My house is currently worth approx 8-10 times what we paid for it. At the moment the money I have agreed to pay H (although a large sum of money) does not come anywhere near to the 50% that he will be entitled to if I have to sell it.
BND you said I wouldn't like your advice but actually I totally agree with you. I've no idea why my children have grown up with so little respect for me and it hurts like hell.
Several of you have mentioned not backing H up if anything else happens with S16 but that, to me, poses another dilemma. If I do what with S16 what H is currently doing with D13 I'm just perpetuating that bad behaviour. How does that teach my children good values for life?
As for implementing consequences with D13: Whilever H is coming and picking her up, virtually straight from school, I am not being given the opportunity to put those consequences, whatever they may be, into place. I was trying to make him understand this last night when I phoned him. As her father I have no way of enforcing him to do what I ask. As for a parenting plan he has refused all along to take part in such an important way forward and the English courts allow children over 8 to have a say in where and who they live with. If money were no problem I would instigate a child custody case but I couldn't be certain of winning b/c whatever D13 ended up saying would play a major factor in thier decision. If she categoricaly stated she wanted to stay with him that's exactly what the courts would put into place.
I wrote the first part of this message about 3 hours ago and have only just come back to finish it. I've communicated with my L via TM and she has given me some reassurances that my worst fears should not be realised. So I am feeling a little better.
I've also spoken to D13 and although she is going out again with H tonight (the weather wasn't good enough to ice skate last night) she has said she will probably sleep at home tonight.
I can now breathe a little easier
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
