Just keep swimming...PH #5

[pearlharbr]

After sleeping on it and thinking some more, I still don't know.

I'm leaning toward filing this letter under the heading of "believe nothing they say" and moving on with my life. You're right, I should assume that OW knows nothing about it and that they are still together because he hasn't said otherwise.

Plus, and this may be really jaded, but I don't know what's behind this supposed change of heart. With no other info, I think it's financially motivated. I think he's realized how much it's going to cost him to get rid of me and he's balking at the price tag. Hence the weeks of delay with getting me this first chunk of money which is only about 10% of what I will be asking for.

I'm ok with him holding me partially responsible for our problems. I have always maintained that they were at least 60% my doing and I am working on changing those things about myself. But I can't get over the fact that he chose to walk away and cheat and lie instead of turning to me to fix things.

Is there room in my heart for him? I really don't know. I wish I did. I feel empty inside, not sure if nothing is there or if it's just buried really deep for my self preservation.