Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

I am a success story for saving me and that is really the bottom line because the only way I will ever be happy in this or any other relationship is to be happy with me.

Good luck, believe it or not, it does get easier in many many ways.

Hi K,

Yes S2 seems very insightful, and so do you.

The things he has mentioned about my changes, are all very true and at 1st I was VERY defensive, but when I sat down to think about it he is 100% RIGHT!!!

Growing up...my dad left when I was 4, my mom remarried when I was 6, only to get the crap beat out of her almost every single day. Do you know what its like to be a helpless 6 yr old chile, hearing your mom get the life literally choked out of her in the next rm, and not be able to do a thing about it? It's hard, scary. The worst part is, my dad had moved in with his mom, Our neighbor, they could hear everything happening, and didn't help. I felt helpless and hopeless. My only defense mechanism as a child, is my mouth. I learned not to trust. Btwn having a dad walk out, having him tell you he'll come by to pick you up or see you, and those things don't happen you build walls. I started at a very young age to tell myself, i don't need him, I don't want to see him anyway, but deep inside I did.

My ex-stepfather ended up doing drugs, hard drugs, sold much of our stuff, stuff my dad bought for US. He pointed a gun at my mom while she held me in her arms. He had punched her through walls, cracked her head open about 3x, and cheated numerous times. I saw my mom nervous, scared for her life, my life, and her family's life b/c of course he gave the speech "if you leave me I'll kill your family". The cops never helped b/c he lived with us for longer than 30 days, so you know what, can't get rid of him!

I saw her snoop through his wallet, finding numbers, not trusting him, and I think this lead further into my trust issues.

When me & my H 1st got toghether I didn't have trust issues at ALL, b/c that was pre- baby body LOL. After I had the girls, and gained weight and had stretch marks I felt embarrassed. He never said a thing, he encourages me to work out, and I do now ( and I think he likes that I'm now taking me time)

With the initiating of sex, i did all the time, again before the girls, then I became uncomfortable with ME, so in my mins I was comparing myself to all those beautiful moels and actresses I know he finds sexy, and I'd tell myself, he sees all these beautiful girls, so looking at me is going to be like Blah, gross. Look at what the hell I have ot come home to and sleep with.

Now that we are not "together" and he's still choosing to sleep with me, not b/c he HAS to, rememerb in his mind we are not together, then he MUST like me, the way I look. I have about 20Lbs to lose, but her NEVER says a thing bad. NEVER. And if he's still sexually attracted to me than I must be pretty sexy.

I am going to the gym 3-4x per wk, and am losing inches, and he seems just as proud of me as I am.

I do agree with you about the idea of us not "being together" takes pressure off of him, and helps us to "be ourselves" we are getting along great. What can this mean??