She read DR huh? Probably not for the best at this stage, but maybe some of it will sink in. Imperative she doesn't snoop and find your threads here. Never leave it up, and clear your browser cache each session!
She had started to read DR - she got to about page 50. We talked about it a little this morning. She said she did read a couple of pages last nite but got too tired. She also said that she didn't say anything to me about sleeping in the spare bedroom as she was tired and didn't want to get into a big discussion about it. Not sure what she was thinking would happen when I got to bed. Clearly she wasn't thinking straight.
I suggested having her read the 5 Languages of Love book as I said she may think it's more interesting. I had told her when I read it that there were a number of stories there that reminded me of conversations that we had. I did that just to get her off my "playbook". I told her it was an easier read since she really hadn't been able to find much time to read.
Last nite, she said that alcohol gave her courage to try Thursday nite, but that Fri morning she still felt empty inside (I assume her heart). She feels we don't have any emotional connection and can't find a way to have a relationship with me because of the past/negative emotions. She also said that she doesn't think she could ever trust anybody again with her heart. Especially me since I broke/hurt it so badly.
I'm not angry with her respect to what's happening, I am sad. I'm sad that she's still hurting and angry about feeling unloved. I'm sad the woman I love says that she feels empty inside. I guess this is how compassion is suppose to feel. I just don't know what to do or how to handle it.
Right now I'm planning on sticking with my 180 that I've been on the last several weeks with the exception of:
1 - No physical/sexual touches unless she initiates
2 - No temperature taking
3 - Improving my ability to be compassionate as clearly she is hurting and feeling badly. This will be tough for me as I've really not done that in my life. Anothernightmare had give me a few good pointers but I am going to need a lot of help with this one.
My basic 180 will still be to maintain a postive, upbeat attitude that is now living to enjoy life, not just to get through it like I had in the past. I will be working on me. I will continue with her primary love languages (Quality Time and Verbal) and limit the touches to more casual, non-sexual touches.
I will not help her in the separation but will not stop her either. She is still under the illusion that we will remain friends after the divorce. I need to find a way to dispell that myth.
Anyone have any recomendations on books or things relative to compassion?
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
