It's Not Like on T.V.

[Thinker]

I'm trying to stay out of the "this is so unfair" mindset, but... damn, this is so unfair!

Yes, I have the same thoughts all the time. In particular when I catch some of the things that she says / thinks about OM - I think to myself "I do that! I am that! - this is ridiculous and unfair! why is she focused on him and giving him credit for that when I am right here and saying and doing the same thing (plus more!)!" This is all of course trying to apply our own "rational" standards and judgments to an irrational situation, and is worthless. Just keep telling yourself "Control is an illusion - let go" and "I'll be OK no matter what the outcome"

How was your MC? When we were still going it was difficult, because my W would want me to go first, I would pour out my heart or say how I was feeling, and then when her turn came, she would shrug her shoulders and say "I don't know" In reality, she was thinking "I just want to run away from this whole situation and live in the fantasy I have created around EA and OM" but of course she would never say that. Needless to say, it did not go anywhere.

Now if and when we go, I try not to say anything - just to listen. She in turn does not want to say anything, and it just ends up being an uncomfortable pressure cooker. I have decided (backed up by our C) that it does not make sense for us to go any more until if and when my W decides she would like to work on the M.