You are not being played for a fool, you are in the same situation as lots of us. Your W sounds a lot like mine.
I think a lot of the strangeness you are seeing from your W is directly tied to the EA. It all goes together. My W has been doing exactly the same thing. The more intense the EA got, the more she would talk about wanting to coparent. She never used that word, but she would talk about divorced couples she knows who still are great friends and still raise the kids as a family, etc. She is under the influence of the EA drug and is being pulled in by it, but does not want to go through the pain of a divorce. She is therefore trying to find a way to have it all - freedom to pursue the EA (and the excitement that goes along with it) while avoiding the pain.
I feel like you do. I would never be able to do it. If we were to get Divorced, I would want to grieve and move on - not stay attached as a family and try to lie to the kids to convince them we are still "married". I would want to fight for my kids (joint custody at least), raise them as best as I could, and move on with my own romantic and personal life.
Most of the other stuff you have said about not wanting to go go MC, not wanting to work on the R, etc seems to all be part of the scrip for an EA. It sounds exactly like my W.
I think my Sitch is slowly getting better as my W slowly moves on from the EA, but she is hanging on to it as tightly as she can and it is preventing us from moving forward as a couple. In the meantime, do as everyone here is suggesting - focus on yourself. I know it is hard. It is really hard for me to, as we also still live together (which is a GOOD thing!) but every time I hear or see her or feel her moving next to me in bed (we still sleep together but no ML) I get sucked right back in to focusing on her.
Keep focusing on yourself, solving your own problems, fighting your own demons, and fulfilling your own life. Be happy and positive and try to detach that from your situation with your M. It gets easier.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
