I'm surrounded by a lot of negativity from all directions. Everyone seems to be telling me to give up. It starts to wear on you after awhile and you begin to think everyone else's logic must be better than your own.
I picked up a book called "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce", which is a 25 year study of the effects of divorce on children into adulthood.
I have agreed with a lot of what you said. I really think that a separation would be the best route. My only concern there is that, while she cannot stop me from leaving, she can get angry and push the divorce through. After all, she gave me the 90 days to get myself together, get a job, etc. If I'm jumping off now, she may question the need for the 90 days. However, if I tell her that I want to separate to try to fix the marriage she will go into defensive mode and list all the reasons why it can't be fixed.
My plan is to tell her that I want to separate because I need to get my head together and make some changes in myself before the divorce. These are changes that I need to make regardless of the decision to divorce, but they are changes that I cannot work on living here.
I'm going to pay her child support (just as I will post divorce) and request that we arrange time with the kids just as she has layed out in her divorce papers (which was supposed to be sent to me to look over, not to sign, but so far I haven't seen). I'll approach her with this middle of next week and will leave on Sunday. That way we have a couple days to figure out what to tell the kids and how before I go.
After Sunday, I go dark. The only communication will be in concern of the kids and financial issues that may arise. At least for the first month. That is going to be hard, but I have to stand my ground.
Then I think after 30 days I'll take stock in the general vibe and if everything seems okay, I may send her that letter or I may try to meet up with her somewhere without the kids and just talk about where things stand.
