Is the institution defunct?

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, FIB!!! Great idea for a thread!!

I actually did take a course in college on marriage. It was about 5 years ago and having been married for 20 years, I thought it would be easy credits!

Anyway, it actually was interesting to look at marriage from an "academic" standpoint, and I think that many of us students came away from that class having a different understanding of the institution of marriage than whan we went in with.

The basic bottom line is that marriage is exactly what the people involved make it. Period. As a society we can set acceptable norms, and expectations, but ultimately it is between the people involved. In a nutshell, it is when two or more people choose to follow the same life path together, at least for a period of time.

I doesn't really have to be forever. It doesn't really have to be monogamous. These are "rules" that have been placed on it by either "God" or society or whatever. But each person is actually free to decide what it means for them.

For example, in class, we read several stories of "designer marriages" whereby people had found solutions to problems by thinking "outside the box". One case, I remember, was where a divorced man and woman, who each had children from previous marriages, got married and moved in together only to find that there was a LOT of conflict because of the different ways each family had of doing things. As adults the couple could make compromises, but the children (teenagers if I recall correctly) balked at having to change what had always worked just because their parent married. Well, after almost getting divorced, the couple came up with an unusual solution. They bought a duplex, and knocked out a connecting wall and made that the master bedroom! Thus each "family" maintained their autonomy.

I think that where people really sabotage the possibility of having a happy marriage/relationship, is when the reality does not measure up to whatever our visions of marriage are. We all have an idea of what we think (or were taught) marriage should be, and the truth is that, no matter what we think a "happy marriage" is, the reality is different. And I'm not just talking about one spouse not living up to the others ideals. It's also often impossible for us to live up to our own ideals!!!

So, my answer to the question......No, I don't think the "institution is defunct" at all! But, perhaps we could benefit from looking closer and perhaps expanding our definition of what "the institution of marriage" is.

JMVHO.....