Just keep swimming...PH #4

[pearlharbr]

Have a seat, this might take awhile. And if I lock after this I'll start Just Keep Swimming PH #5.

So...I came home to find the house exactly as I left it (he didn't take anything as far as I can tell) with the exception of the four typed pages sitting on the kitchen counter.

I won't retype it all here unless you guys want to read it for yourself. Here are the highlights:

I am the love of his life and he doesn't want to lose me.

He's been a complete ass and is willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to me.

He promises to never lie to me again so here's the truth:

• He thought if he brought up critical issues in the R (sex) it might cause me to doubt things and leave him; he was afraid to lose me so didn't want to rock the boat
• He's bothered by me not working because it would help me establish my own life, resented having to work long, stressful hours to support our lifestyle while I was being lazy, uncomfortable when coworkers asked about my job search and he didn't have a response as to why a "smart childless young adult is just sitting home"
• He hasn't been communicating about everyday things because of his job; doesn't want to talk about stupid meetings and he's been under a lot of stress; my jobs have always been more interesting to talk about and I did the talking; he's moving to a new project that he's excited about so that will change things

And of course, everyone's favorite subject...the OW

They just started hanging out after work in groups a few times. Nothing flirtatious, just talking over a few beers. When we went on a river rafting trip in early June I went to bed early and he stayed up partying with her, having fun so they became closer friends. During bowling season she started showing up for drinks afterwards (had been only guys) so they started talking more. It was then he started having doubts about us so he started talking to her about us among other things. Then they started going out for beers on a regular basis and...

When I found out about the A at Thanksgiving we were with some of his old coworkers. When I stormed out of the bar they told him we were too different and didn't know why we were together. This clouded his thinking and he realizes now he should never have listened to them because they only know what they see from afar plus they were mad at me from a trip we all took together the previous summer.

At one point he told OW he would not see her again but then I went out without saying anything to him or inviting him so he started seeing her again.

He thinks it's because he misses having someone else to go have a couple beers with since his best friend got married and moved away. He had a couple guys in AK who sort of filled this role but no one in CO until he met OW.

The whole thing started because he didn't want to talk, just made up his mind that it was broke and there was no way to fix it.

He thinks I am his best friend, no one knows him like I do.

List of things fun things/special memories from the past

He was wrong to say we have nothing in common. I was right, there will always be something new to enjoy together. If I truly feel that he is not my best friend then he wishes me well.

He has learned that he needs to communicate to have a successful R. He is committed to tell me everything from now on.

After 8 years he things it deserves the effort to see if we can work it out (points out I said this exact thing to him but he didn't listen and I was right). He wants to back to MC because he doesn't want it to end like this. If I want to move on after MC it would help give me better peace of mind.

He is committed to doing everything in his power to make it up to me. He is asking for the chance he wouldn't give me two months ago and hopes I am the better person and am willing to give it. He loves me and doesn't want to lose the life we've built.