Why does is still sting?!?!?

[cat03]

[quote=unbroken]

how do I trust XH judgement if he wants to be with this kind of woman? how could he want someone who has lied to him so blatantly? and he chose her over me? Would things be different if only I had let him talk to me when he was reaching out?
.

1. His judgment and taste in women is out of your reach and none of your business anymore, I dont' mean to sound harsh, but you can't --as you can plaininly see- choose who he can be with, the more you think you have a saying in his life the harder will be for you to move on. Sadly, he has all the freedom to introduce whomever he likes to your d12, agreement or not. The court couldnt' do much about that unless there is abuse or neglect.

2. She can be a paid whore (stbx's then-ow WAS a paid whore) and he still would think she is his perfect partner (ow had stbx convinced it was ok, that other women prob did that when short for cash).

3. She is not better or worse than you, she was not chosen because she was the antithesis of you, she was chosen for her ability to whore herself, it has nothing to do with quality, he didnt' choose her because she is a wonderful person (wonderful people dont' have a "relationship" touted online and be married!)

4. And to the last statement: NO NO and NO!!! how I wished I would've said what you told him at the time! I was stbx's crying shoulder and support last year when he was almost suicidal and so depressed, I even helped him as he tried to pried himself off then-ow, I almost felt close to him and thinking that perhaps... and then BLAM! he shows up at my house to pick up the kids with his week-old live-in gf.
My point is, that it is NOT your job to shape him up, it was not up to you that he get himself together, he had to decide for himself to get help, nothing else would've work other than the firm resolve to get his act together... instead he choose to keep on with looney-bin gf and live in fantasy world.

It makes me feel powerless again. How do I regain my positive thinking, my internal power, my trust?!?!

By realizing that your emotional wellbeing doesn't depend on him, that you are powerless to change his behavior and stupid desicions. By removing yourself from him as far as it's humanly possible, only talking about d12's visitation.
I know, it churns the stomach to think of those skanks near our beloved kids, but there is nothing left to do but love love love our kids since we are the sane parent at the moment. Counseling will also help your d12, my s11 sees a C from time to time and it has helped him cope since arse-sbtx thinks he's done nothing wrong and has no idea why s11 is feeling bad.

here are a few paragraphs from "healed without scars"

"the greatest insult was not the fact that he had left her. It was that she was still holding on to him long after he was gone"

"the purpose of a trial is to reveal what is genuine in this world--to prove what is true and to expose what is false..

"the enemy wants to bind us permanmetly through our troubles and hurts. Satan desires to restrain you...not a physical binding but a binding of the spirit..his desire is that the entire ordeal would ultimately destroy your faith, kill your hope and seal off your promise leaving you wounded and scarred for life..

"Jesus understands what is to be like to be abandoned, betrayed, discared and hurt by those who should have loved you... because of his death on the cross yoru wounds are now His wounds, your pain is His pain, and by His stripes you are healed."

"you must decide right now that your wounds have been open long enough..the time has come for you to push through defeat, dissapointment, rejection"