Walk Away German Wife (WAGW)

[PortlandDad]

Was this before or after the 12 year old was born???

I'm jumping the gun a few months. Spring of '98 would put it at 11 years ago; we moved into the new house in the fall of 97. My D12 was born in California, so the PA was definitely after.

I'm definitely not letting her take this family apart any more than she already has. While it is possible that she is feeling guilt or shame over what happened all those years ago, I really don't think it is a part of her current psychology. When I look back at the patterns of behavior, though, I can see as far back as 2006 where she started being in the mode of "take everything she can for herself", and when the lies and financial irresponsibility started surfacing.

PD you are spot on about rose-colored glasses. When I started writing this sitch and posting here, I was blissfully ignorant of a lot of my W behavior. All I wanted was her back with our family and I would have done anything to make that happen. I was crying all the time, depressed, and even had the odd suicidal thought from time-to-time. Over the weeks and months that this has played out, and as I have learned and uncovered more about her dealings and her lies and deceptions, I have had my own awakening.

I think I read it on a thread on these forums somewhere: if you were to meet your current Sp in a bar, would you want to take them home? I can honestly say, without equivocation, that I would not. Maybe if and when she comes back asking for my forgiveness and showing true remorse for abandoning her kids, and exhibiting real effort to work on our marriage... then maybe.

Until and unless that time comes, I have stuff to do and a family to raise!