I agree with you that I haven't detached enough yet, I still allow what she does or says to affect my emotions, feeling, happiness. You are also right that it is hard to do, but I am trying.
Update from MC. This was our first one with this new lady. Good thing is she is very pro marriage and told us up front that her goal is to save our marriage. We started out by telling our stories and W started and said that through the marriage I wasn't there emotionally or wasn't there enough and for a while it was ok, but then she wanted more. (which is understandable) She said that she began to detach her feelings from me in order to stop being hurt by my lack of "being there". She said it was a slow process but then she finally shut all the way down. She never said anything then about the EA. Later she finally said that she got emotionally connected to someone else but didn't elaborate and didn't tell the whole story, acted as if it was not a big deal. The C said that he needs to be out of the picture and W said he was (which is not true) . C later asked what kind of hope do we have and I said that I have a lot of hope and that ultimately I want to restore our marriage and make it stronger than ever. W then said that she wants to hope, but doesn't have much in her right now. C brought up again that in order to make this work no outside influences can be pulling us meaning OM and family or friends. She said that OM has no influence in her feelings whatsoever, no impact. I find this all terribly wrong but I just sat there not wanting to start a fight in front of new C on the first visit.
One encouraging thing is that C said she wanted us to commit to 6 sessions with her and then we could reevaluate at that time and W agreed to this. I just hope she is not biding her time and wasting this opportunity to really work on things.
I was supposed to get my S after bball game and take to dinner while W left with D for dance again. She just called me to say that she is now taking D to friends bball game and skipping dance, just so happens that OM's best friend is coaching that team so I am sure that he will be there.
Trying to detach and not worry about it. Can't change it, so I need to quit worrying and obsessing. Easier said, than done.
