When it comes to my H's OM and his EA...... I was surprised when I learned after my husband left me to stay with a buddy there was another woman in his life that he had his eye on. She is a co-worker (still works with him) and she is 23. And she's gorgeous. Sucks to be me. I was FURIOUS. I gave him the last however many years of my life, I gave him a beautiful son, I gave up my career for the family......blah blah blah, me me me, I sacraficed, I gave, I am soooooo great and I did EVERYTHING for him. How dare he do this to ME????? Right?????? Well, actually, no, wrong.

This is how my H's EA started, and I think you'll benenfit from this and even relate: I was b***ching at him constantly. I was so mad how absent he was, how neglected I felt. Basically at home all he was hearing was "You suck as a husband. You suck as a father and you're the reason why we are broke." (We have some debt, not horrible, but I made is sound a lot worse to make him feel bad.) Then at work, the stupid OW turns to him one day and says "My boyfriend is trying to dump me. How do I make him love me? How do I save my relationship? This is the guy I want to marry but he's trying to get rid of me!! What do I do?" And now all of a sudden my H is feeling needed and leaned on and looked up to, admired even. She opens up to him about her relationship issues, and he opens up to her. Eventually, the boyfriend does dump her in grand fashion--kicks her out and changes the locks. That same week, my H leaves 100% and only comes home to see our S.
So what do I do?
At first I explode.
Then I get a therapist, I find Divorce Remedy at the bookstore and I Google Michele Weiner Davis and find this site and I get a DB coach.
Now, the OW is gone, as is the EA. She has a new boyfriend, plastered all over her Facebook page. I even got a phone call from her apologizing to me once she found out everyone where they work is calling her Homewrecker behind her back. Duh.
But I waited it out. I completely let it go and it was probably the most painful thing I've ever done. I knew I could have called her and completely scared the crap out of her. But I didn't and I ended up on top.
Recently, my H said to me "Any delusions I had about that are now completely gone." Delusion is right. My situation happened because I made the most important man in my life feel like crap about himself. And this stupid girl made him feel like a champion.

The way I managed to let it go was to really really "Act as If." I acted as if it was already over. I acted as if I were definitely the better choice (and despite all of it, I really held onto my self confidence and I really did/do believe I am the better choice between me and that 23 year old idiot.) You are the better choice too.
Hey, here's some hope....I pulled back, listened to my therapist, my DB coach and the friends here and last night, my H came over for dinner, helped me wash the kid and put him to bed then gave me eskimo kisses and a real one and said "Goodnight lovie."
The middle of January he said "This marriage--over!"
Hang on with me.