Well, Thinker, def. not out of the woods yet by any means but DBing my happy little A$$ off. I read your sitch and it's not too bad. I think you can def. turn it around. But yes, how to detach when you live together? This is what I did, despite the many gasps I got here, I moved out. My H was living with a buddy, about a mile away. He would come and go from our house whenever he wanted. He was there for his lunch break, he did his laundry there, cooked, recorded his shows....basically everything but actually sleep there at night. H has our S on Mondays and Wednesdays, every other Thursday and every other opposite weekend. On his days with our S, he was at our house, playing with S. Then on his weekends with S, I would leave and stay with a good friend. Basically, he had the best of both worlds, hang out when he had too or wanted too (I will give him 100% credit, even on his days that he didn't have to be with S, he was there--every day like a father should be) and then go to his buddy's house, have a beer or whatever, unwind and sleep. Well one day, we were burglarized. He came over and I was just mad. Now I can see it was just stuff that was taken but then I was very violated. He stayed with us for the first time in months. I was going to take a shower. He said he needed to used the facilities and took his phone with him. I could hear him texting. I knew he was texting his now ex-OW. Later, I heard our S up and moving. H was sleeping in the guest room. I went to put S back to bed and heard him on the phone. He opens the door and I hear with perfect clarity the dumb OW from his EA say "You have to stay there because she's scared?" and with a tone. I went off. I ended it with Hey B***H, get your own husband! I apologized to my S, put him back to bed and then H and I had a long talk. It was actually a good talk. But the next day, I decided the amount of disrespect it would take to call his OW from his EA while he staying with us for the first time in months AND he had been texting with her for half an hour earlier was just too much for me to take. I decided to move. He tried to stop me. I moved in with my good friend with my S. Since then, he has been pretty close to wonderful. We still see each other every day except now, I might not be there when he gets there, which causes some distress for him. Now I can leave, like I have somewhere to be while he's there with our S and if he has to go my friend loves to watch our S so it all works out to my benefit. H is now back in our house, alone. I know he hates it. He hates to be alone emotionally and physically. He's a very social guy and living alone is not his idea of fun or good. Also moving was my way of getting to a place where I could detach and really work on GAL. So in the last two weeks he has really started to talk to me. He has given me firm examples of what made him unhappy and why. Before this, it was just "The marriage is over because I'm tired of being unhappy." Now, I had some pretty educated guesses but to hear him give me reasons was very helpful and it's gone a long way. Now, he's contacting me a little more about things not related to bills or our S. Not much, but def. more than ever before since this all started and he's kissing me good bye and flirting. Yesterday I had a job interview. Before it, he sends me a good luck text. I was thrilled. So, while things are MUCH better than they were at Christmas, I'm still very cautious, still treating him as my friend and letting him initiate the flirting and the kisses/hugs. My DB coach said to be sensual with firm boundaries. If he wants to flirt, I def. should get in on that but he has to start it and things can't go further until I know it's all about me. He has dumped the OW from his EA but I know she is still calling/texting him on occassion. He told me as much and said she is looking to make a career change and is contacting him for advice. At this point, while I don't like it, I have to just let it go. Plus I know she has a new boyfriend as his picture and messages from him are PLASTERED all over her page. But I have been DBing, taking all the advice I can get, making notes and keeping them close by. I think the most important thing I did was take the risk/gamble of moving out. I don't recommend it for everyone, but it worked for me and my sitch. And I always asked myself before every conversation with him and before every action I took related to him "Is this going to help me DB? Is this going to help me create a new marriage with my H?" That went a long long way.
