Is the institution defunct?

[25yearsmlc]

Well as my d11 said, "when you date a lot it's okay, b/c you only have to find one right person and then you win..."

But I have wondered. I read that couples who marry in a church are 40% less likely to divorce, and I assume it means they have similar values and think God is a factor in the M. I really did believe that, and I do believe you have to pray a lot about what His will is and what the morally right thing to do is and that it IS what will ultimately lead to your own happiness.

But that does not mean God wants us to be doormats. There is free will, and if our spouses freely choose to act in ways that damage or even destroy our families, then we save the children and ourselves from further harm as best we can....I guess.???

There comes a time in every marriage when each spouse sees the other in total stark reality without the passion of the new, and see them totally naked, with all their flaws, weaknesses, qualities, strengths, quirks, warts and all, and in that time, they make a choice. They may reject their spouse as simply too flawed, no faults of weight allowed, only minor ones. Those leave. Others choose to stay but only to make the other one cave in to their will, to nag, cajole, critisize, and "be proven RIGHT" until one of them finally dies, and some choose to stay but sigh for their whole lives, rolling their eyes in the long suffering manner of the martyrs they see themselves as. And then, there are others.

There are those who see the realities of their spouse along with their own many faults in stark light too. Somehow they see it all and yet, still, they choose to love. They choose to focus on the good, and to compliment it, and strongly favor it. As for the bad, and not so good, they learn to compensate, overlook, accept, or work around....they try hard to do what is the goal; to see their spouses as God sees them. Through His eyes...

Seems terribly difficult, but not complicated. In fact, it is very simple. But evidently quite rare. And no, I don't think this means we "learn" to accept what is truly UNacceptable. God did not put us here to make us miserable. We are not here to be doormats. But still, we have a goal and I think that the goal of marital love probably is to learn to see someone for all of who they really are, including their histories and pain, through His eyes. That does not always mean one stays married to a spouse. But it sure helps. I think I believe this. But I have had doubts.

(( j ))