It's Not Like on T.V.

[AnotherNightmare]

I'm not sure that's the interpretation she / I have. She is angry, she says, because having reached her decision and achieving peace with it, I went it screwed it all up by giving her bad feelings again.

Her claims: She's not afraid of the possibility of being alone in the future. She's not interested in another emotional relationship, but right now she's very interested in exciting s*xual relationships if they happen to happen. She is consenting to counseling NOT because she expects it to work FOR OUR MARRIAGE but because she thinks / hopes it will help me deal with her decision so that we don't drag our kids into it.

I understand that that is what she says. Nevertheless she got angry and blamed you for something. If she was so sure that leaving was the right decision, how could you possibly screw her up? If she had already checked out, why does she not simply leave? Nothing is stopping her.

I personally doubt the positive effects of MC especially if one person has no interest in it. All you do is talk about the past, the hurting, and it will remind the person who wants to leave that it is in fact the right decision to leave. So be careful with that. I think all you want to do in couseling is to understand, validate and acknowledge her feelings. Ensure that you and the C do not gang up on her.

I would let her know your boundaries. Let her know what your interests are post-divorce. Let her know that you are not interested in a friendship with her, because you love her. It might pi$$ her off, she might get angry, but those are her feelings, she owns them, not you.

So -- do I man up and say "Yes"?

Is that what you want? Do you think it will improve your situation? If the answer is "no" to any of the questions, do not do it.