OK-So you didn't beat her children or kill her puppy. (The question was sort of a trick question to get you to see that becoming the doormat is not doing anyone any favors.) You hid from your relationship out of fear. That's forgiveable, even though it hurt her tremendously. You can win her back. She needs to understand you better so that she can find the compassion to love you again. She is focused on her own pain and hurt.
DO NOT BELIEVE that she just wants sex and no relationship. What-EV. She's just trying to weasle out of your marriage without having to hurt your feelings or feel bad about pursuing the next guy WHO IS NOT GOING TO MAKE HER WHOLE OR SOOTHE HER PAIN. No one can make us whole or complete us or fix what's wrong within us. Until everybody gets with that, divorce and cheating are going to go on and on and on forever.
I'm glad you made it here.
Your C session is going to hurt because your W is still in walk-away mode. She's going to say anything she can to get you to let her go and to convince the C that it is O-V-E-R. She thinks (MISTAKENLY) that happiness is in the next moment of life. She wants relief from her pain. She thinks that she's going to find it "out there."
Whatever she says, keep it together and stay your ground. Don't be the doopty-doo guy who is going to say, "OK, dear. Whatever will make you happy. Go f**k other men. It's OK. I was wrong all these years and I'm worthless to you. Some other no-name guy out there deserves your love more than I do. Even though I'm the father of your children." PLEASE don't be that guy. Sit straight and tall. Look her in the eyes. Tell her that under no circumstances are you OK with your marriage ending, with her ML with other men, with the destruction of your family. Calmly, assuredly. Tell her you will do anything to save it, because that is the truth. You'll have to go through all kinds of pain to save it. And I believe you will, if you accept that you must become aware of yourself and work on changing you.
You are a Nice Guy, I'm pretty sure. That doesn't mean that you are bad, or you are some kind of villain. It means that you are a product of a society and family that hasn't known how to rear MEN. Go to that website: nomoremrniceguy.com. Read the site, but more importantly, read some of the online community posts. You might find some strength from the perspectives of men who have found themselves.
I'm hoping you can get a charge of "I AM WORTH ALL THAT I WANT" attitude before you go in that C room tonight. That is not to say that you shouldn't show remorse for denying her what she needed all these years. You recognize it, own it, say and MEAN that you are sorry, and commit to fixing it. If she says, "Too little, too late," then you say, "It's never too late. And you'll never know if that statement is really true unless you give us and our family this chance."
Come on, man. Get angry and fight for your marriage. No doormat BS. No lame-a$$ doopty-doo.
