I would want my H to grow up and make a change and want to give me all of him. I would want my family back together again. I would want to trust him.
Honestly, dont see that happening....so, maybe I should just wish for some other man to come and wisk me away to love me more than my H ever has.
I dont know. H is already sucking me back in or trying to atleast. He started texting me yesterday afternoon, I guess he stood it as long as he could. I hadnt talked or texted him since he left tkd on Saturday evening and only then I answered his text that said to "Drive Safe". He texted me 3 times and then called the house cuz i didnt answer. Didnt answer the house phone in time either. So he called my cell. I answered. He wanted to know how come I werent answering his texts, that he had sent 5, 10, or 15 messages. Uhm, ok it was 3 messages. They said "just wanted to say hi since your not talking", "are you not talking?" and "guess your not".
Ugh! So I was nice and "talked" to him, just to shut him up! He then preceeded to wanna text me the rest of the day. About the kids and what I was doing and etc. etc. I thought he would have been at his new girlfriends house all day. But he wasnt. Dont know, dont care. So, again this morning he is still texting me. I try to stay short and only answer those that need answering.
I have no idea what this man is doing. I dont know why he doesnt leave me alone. And I have a problem in being mean and saying I dont want to talk to him at all, cuz thats not true. I do want to talk to him. He keeps saying he is glad that i dont hate him, I told him I do not hate him, I hate what he did.
And I know he does still care about me. I have no doubt about that. None what so ever. He is just messed up in the head and only feels comfortable when he is in the black or white areas. Our marriage is the gray and he cant be there. I have a feeling that the feelings would have to come back to him for me, while we are in the black or white areas for him.
What I hate now is that we are eligable for divorce in April. I wonder if he will file. He will have the money then.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I agree. When I think about what I would type, it's pretty much the same thing. I would love for my H to grow up. I think you are doing the right thing. Answer what only needs to be answered. Do you have a DB coach? I know it's sort of expensive, but I will say, it's been worth every dime for me with Jody. She's awesome. Lots of insight. I bet he does NOT file. Maybe he's done with the other women. I don't think he has a girlfriend. If he does, she's very understanding as he texts you all day. Why do you think there is another woman?
I dont have a coach, just support from a few angels on here. And Im not 100% positive he has a girlfriend. I just know a week ago he told me this girl he had gone out with a few times wanted to be his girlfriend and he told her he couldnt right now because his head was messed up. He is desperately looking for some sort of better living arrangements, and Im sure he is working on her! She even invited him and the kids over to eat a few weeks ago because he had no money to feed them. I fixed that though, told him if he needed money to feed our kids, to ask me!
And I dont think he would tell the OW that he texts me all day. He didnt the last one, but IM sure she knew. This one may find out as well. Who knows.
I dont know for sure he will file, he may just be scared to hurt me again and may put if off as long as possible. But Im prepared for anything. Even him changing his mind again.
ugh! the possible OW works across the street from me...just saw her leaving work....I hate this crap!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
well Kissak you shouldnt have to put up with this crap......you are his security blankie, he ventures after possible OW when he seem to think you are safely in tow.....when you arent...he manipulates you til you are
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Thanks a new 2moro.... I do know that he manipulates me and I have learned to recognize that. He may be very surpised to see one day that his security blanket isnt there anymore.
I went to tkd tonight and he was there. We really didnt talk. Just sat next to each other and watched our son and talked only about him and the class. It was the way it should be. No other talk going on.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
It does sound as if he really needs you around as a some kind of security. When you were married and all was well to normal, who was "in charge"? And I mean, who did the bills, organized where everyone needed to be and how they were going to get there, did the shopping, planned family outings, vacations, etc? Was it you? Or was it split down the middle? Or did it depend? In my family, it's more me. I would say it's an 80% me and 20% him breakdown. I believe my H knows that and it's one of the reasons he's still around. Which I'm ok with, it's a legitimate concern...something to be considered.
It was me. I did pay the bills, plan vacations, make the schedules, do the shopping. I know he depends on alot of things from me still. Quite often he still says "just remind me". Although he is doing quite alot for himself now, I still find him having no idea what to do. Its was only recently he took it on himself to take the kids to the park without me recommending it.
Ok, who is around to remind me? Nobody (thats why i forget sometimes, lol)
Maybe that is the kind of security he wants from me. Honestly all he did in the marriage was things that he needed to do for himself. Other things I had to plan.
Good point.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I just know a week ago he told me this girl he had gone out with a few times wanted to be his girlfriend and he told her he couldnt right now because his head was messed up.
I guess I have to ask why is he going out at all....am i correct hes finding these possible gf's on a dating site? he apparently likes to have all available at his whim.....gets some kind of power having women wanting him.....why isnt counseling addressing this?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Hey Kissak, just popping in to see how you're doing...
Funny story..I had been checking out some dating sites and subscribed to a free one, well, this guy sent me a message saying he was married but just wanted to fool around on the side, have someone to do fun things with and enjoy himself, that he was not looking for a one night stand, but an actual girlfriend ---- YES !!! On the SIDE !!!
URGH men sometimes ......
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Holy moly. At least he was honest. Are you going to meet him? Just kidding!! I actually have good friends, they're married, they met on one of those sites. So I guess it can work out.
