Regrets, don't beat yourself up. God is here for everyone, he forgives, he is perfect. We don't have to be perfect because He is.
All of our S's have a great person that loves them. They are in a blinding fog and things aren't as they seem for them. My H's OW is the complete opposite of me, and H has told me that I am so much better than she. My H also has told me that he never meant to hurt me. That doesn't mean he has worked through it all. He is very confused still and has a lot of work left to do.
When this first started in August, before I even read DR, he told me to stop saying I love you, because it felt forced. We used to say it every time we talked on the phone or were leaving. He had said it to me 3 times before a month ago. I would say it back when he did, but I didn't want to push him away. He finally said 3 weeks ago, why don't you say ILY anymore. I told him because you told me not to. He doesn't remember saying it. He now says it to me when we talk on the phone again and when we leave, and I respond and sometimes I say it first now too.
They don't set out to cause us or anyone pain, they are trying to ease their pain, and they don't know how to do that. They assume that you are the cause of their problems, because they are around you the most. Their are a lot of things they have to work through, before they will see you differently. Hopefully they will.
Just work on you Regrets, that is all you can do. There is nothing you can do for your H to make him change his mind right now. He has to come through this on his own no matter how much it hurts you to see them hurt, you can't fix them.
