It makes me feel powerless again. How do I regain my positive thinking, my internal power, my trust?!?!
You make You powerless. You have secretly sat and waited for him to return to you rather than do what is necessary to heal. You can't run from the truth no matter how you want to rationalize it. What I want to know is why you allow him to have a hold over you? What is in it for you by doing that? What result are you expecting to just happen? Get yourself unstuck. Only you can change the state you are in.
I know the ink is barely dry on the divorce papers but you need to work on untangling your emotions from his. Quit carrying the torch.
