The interesting thing you mentioned about her was that she said she was angry. Angry at who? You? What is she blaming you for? Not letting her go? Well, to me it sounds more like she is angry at herself. There is part of her that wants to leave you, but there is also a part that is holding her back. When she decided to leave, she felt happy. Now that she realizes all the complications of that and maybe some of her feelings that put doubt in her, she feels anger directed at herself for not being able to follow through. So to me it looks like there is some hope if you find the right way of dealing with it.
I'm not sure that's the interpretation she / I have. She is angry, she says, because having reached her decision and achieving peace with it, I went it screwed it all up by giving her bad feelings again.
Her claims: She's not afraid of the possibility of being alone in the future. She's not interested in another emotional relationship, but right now she's very interested in exciting s*xual relationships if they happen to happen. She is consenting to counseling NOT because she expects it to work FOR OUR MARRIAGE but because she thinks / hopes it will help me deal with her decision so that we don't drag our kids into it.
She has this notion that we'll be this great divorced couple, co-parenting, taking our kids to dinner together, etc. When I suggested I might have some negative feelings that would lead me not to want to go to dinner with my ex-W, she said that sounded immature -- don't I want the best for the kids?
So what I'm confronted with is this: If I was a real man, who wanted her to be happy, I would (a) let her go now and (b) maintain a good relationship with her afterwards to make things easier on the kids.
And, again, the logic is clear. But I'm bugged by the assumption that somehow I'm supposed to swallow my grief for everyone else's benefit -- and that this just so happens to work out in the best possible way for her.
So -- do I man up and say "Yes"? That's the question that's on my mind.
