WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 4

[confusedinpa]

I guess what I am getting at is the following:

If you are angry at her for leaving you, you will probably get angry at her for other things as well. And she probably feels that or is afraid of it.

Think back to the time when you met her for the first time. If she had told you then it was over, you would have been sad, very sad maybe, but not angry. And that is why even though you may have again some romantic feelings for her, it is still not the same as it was at that time. This time you feel entitled to her staying, you do not accept it as a gift. Am I right?

I am angry about what is going to happen to the family. I'm angry that she considers our kids baggage that may be in the way of her "future happiness". I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I'm still angry that she is acting very selfishly. I know we've all read what the impact divorce plays on kids, that's why I'm angry.

Ironically, a few weeks after we first met, she suggested slowing down/breaking up because she felt we were moving too fast (with the exception of going to work, we literally spent every single day together for those weeks). At that point in my life, I was used to seeing girls just for a few weeks and then moving on. I gave her my typical answer - I was ok with that but would like to still see her occassionally. That lasted for less than 2 days, then we were spending everyday togther again. I wasn't sad during that time as I just did my own thing (karate, gym, etc.) - although we would spend hours on the phone at nite (she talked, I just listened).

I'm not angry that she wants to leave me, I am sad about that now and will be in the future. I know I can and will move on.

Another thing ironic is that even when she is in full blown WAW mode (which is where she has been except for last Thurs nite), seeing her always makes me smile. It's odd as when I see her, inside it makes me sad. It's a very confusing feeling.

I know that time apart would probably be best for both of us as it would give us some time to work things out. Unfortunately, with the economy, I don't have any business travel planned (although I'm not sure if 1 week will be enough). Perhaps I should just take a week off and go visit one of my friends (all of my close friends are out of town).

I do feel my own feelings changing as I'm digesting more of what everyone here is telling me. When I do things now, I do it to not just because I think she would like it, I do it because it makes me feel good as well. I feel like I'm no longer looking for her to say thank you or show any appreciation. I do things because either they need to be done or because I want to do them.

It's odd as I'm starting to feel like I'm losing what little connection I had with my wife. Is this what detachment suppose to be like? Is this really the right path?