No he has stopped telling me he loves me but I also stopped telling him because that is pressure. But his actions have shown me differently. Not sex. Just some of the things he has done, things I always wanted him to do, that he didn't or he resisted because he felt like I was treating him like a child (that was the last thing). It hurts. I hear in his voice sometimes that tone that he would get when he used to say it, almost like he wants to, but I know he is scared. We have had so many ups and downs over the years. One of the first things he told me was that he was afraid it would get good again just to get bad later. This pain is horrible and I wouldn't want that to happen either. Not fooling myself that there wouldn't be issues but we have done this, not resolved it completly and we are here again. For me and for him, I had to drop the rope this time. I have to let him do what he is doing and if I'm here when he is ready then that is wonderful. If I'm not well then I'm not. Recently he did ask me what if either of our hearts go somewhere else. I told him what if they come back and I told him that is what he is afraid of. I also, because it was the right time, took the opportunity to tell him some things I actually thought about our R and he didn't argue for a change. Until then, he had been telling me that he had no hope, that there was no hope. He didn't say that this time. Whether that means he is just not telling me no hope or that means that maybe he is realizing that a part of him hasn't left yet, I don't know. I can't worry about it. I like me now. I like being and living and I even like feeling even though it isn't always good feeling. I like being unafraid anymore. I like being able to tell him what I think and feel. I like not worrying about what he is doing or where he is going. I just like it. My life is much less stressful even with all of this if you can believe that.
Don't feel guilty about not going to church. I am not a church goer either but I do have a tremendous faith. I also believe very much what they say about lessons and we keep repeating things until we learn them. If we don't learn them in this life, we will repeat in another incarnation.
Also, if he meets someone else, well that is a chance. It is always a chance even when you are happy. Try not to let that thought dominate your feelings. I know it's hard. I've been through that more times than you know. I was always afraid he would and then eventually it happened. And he didn't go anywhere. So...
One word of warning, if you want to place a boundary, be ready for the consequences. As disrespectful as it is him staying out all night, he may choose to leave if you place that boundary too soon. He could see it as you trying to control him. So just be prepared that he might leave if you say that before you do it.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
