Do you know WHY she wants out? Has she spelled it all out for you nice and clear? I wonder if she's taken the time to do the work to understand how she got to where she is.
Don't be a martyr. Never ever. Of course, you don't have handcuffs and shackes (or do you) to stop her from leaving. I think it's interesting that she's angry with you for "not letting her go." She has legs and a key to the door and the car. You see, she is angry because in order to stay, she has to face all kinds of s**t and say things to you that might hurt you. She doesn't want to hurt you. She wants the easy way out (divorce). So, she's trying to "sell" you on why "letting her go" is a good idea. F that. Tell her to go sell crazy somewhere else. You love her and you want her to be with you (I'm assuming that, but perhaps when you start working on yourself, you might learn that you don't necessarily love this woman in the way that is necessary to keep a marriage going).
Stand by what you feel. Stay strong. Be a MAN--solid and sure of yourself. She'll love it, even if she doesn't show it and starts kicking and screaming like a little girl. Some people use anger to get others to do what they want. In your case, she wants you to make it easy for her to divorce you. You are her man and she needs you to show it and stop her from leaving. She is giving YOU the power over her decision by asking you to let her go.
She clearly has issues to work on, too. If she knew herself and took the time to understand her situation, she would not be asking you to let her go. She would know exactly why she is leaving and she would be able to articulate it clearly so that there is no doubt about it. It's not her fault - she just needs the tools to grow. It's not your place to tell her that, by the way. You have to focus on YOU only and become a man that inspires her to see you and also look within herself.
Your MC better be pro-marriage and not some lazy schlub or one of older theory that takes the common cues (wife convinced she's out the door already, H who can't make it up to her...) and just helps everyone feel OK about divorcing. If so, find someone else. You won't know until you go.
Dr. H, Stand up for yourself and the good things you have to offer this woman and your kids. List them out for yourself. Being a self-assured man is the most attractive thing to a woman.
If she thinks that dragging your kids through divorce is going to somehow be "ultimately good for them," she is KIDDING HERSELF. That is, unless you are abusive or an addict. I'm hoping not, right?
