Sleeping is good medicine. And yes visualize a great future with H. No one can tell you exactly where to start, except with the PMA, 180's, and GAL. I understand why you didn't want to go out with old friends. It is hard having to explain to everyone what is going on especially when you are receiving such uncertainty. He doesn't want to be there but he is going to counseling. So don't explain it to people. If they ask, just say things are fine. If they already know, just say you would rather not talk about it. Personally, I just sort of stopped talking to most of my family and friends most of the time until I had other things on my mind that I could talk about.
It is hard not to react to how we percieve them to act. I think that is one of my biggest hurdles. And my H does the same thing to me. I have actually gotten to where I have said to him, I wish you would listen to my words instead of assuming you have a clue what I'm trying to say. Or why I'm saying it. I think that is partially projection of your own feelings onto the other person. Now for the most part, I do my best to hear his words as he says them not how I hear them and without my own personal definitions attatched to them. If I'm really uncertain as to what he means about something, I ask him to explain it better. It just keeps me from overreacting and getting unnecessarily angry. Additionally, if I ask him to do something, I just assume if he says he will, no matter how grumpy he sounds that he will do it. And leave it at that.
Don't get yourself into the habit of apologizing for everything that you do, say, or think. Try not to be cranky but know that just as he is entitled to his feelings, you are entitled to yours. And right now they are not the same.
My H too went from one day being normal to dropping the bomb and being a jerk. There was a lot leading up to it but that seemed like more normal marital stuff and the bomb was very unexpected. So I understand how you feel. I even asked him, how could you ML to me last night and do this tonight. No answer. They just feel what they feel and that is what happens. That is why I thought of MLC for you. With WAS, they seem to sort of have a progression of changing and distancing prior to the bomb. With depression and MLC it is more like an actual bomb that just blows your whole world apart. And it is sort of amazing but they totally expect that you aren't going to be upset by it. When they realize that you are, that they have hurt you, well that is when they sort of start thinking. But it takes a lot of time for them to get there. I know, this is something you want fixed but anyone dealing with this who has come through to the other side will tell you that if they don't resolve their issues, all you will get is a bandaid and the next time will be worse. So as hard as it sounds, you have to allow him to deal with his stuff.
How long was he married to his first wife if I may ask? I will share what seems to help a lot of people here, not that this is a religious based site, is prayer and church of some sort.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
