She did imply that she wanted me to show-up last night at her regular dance venue, and to make sure I ask her to dance, as long as I keep being nice to her. I went to the venue, to create an opportunity for connection, and waited for an hour. She never arrived. Maybe she arrived after I left.
Did you have the opportunity to let her know you did go, but she wasn't there? I know you are trying to take advantage of times to connect.
It does sound like writing gives you pleasure. Glad you are doing something for yourself.
Matilda, I did let my W know that I went to the venue. She told me that she changed her mind and went elsewhere. She said that she didn't have the energy to dance that evening.
She left on Friday evening with a gentleman that she invites into our home, and who I have casual conversation with. He has a degree in animal nutrition, and has given us advice on raising my sheep puppy dog. He is part of the dance community. My W has been showing-up at venues with him.
Our marital troubles are public to some extent in the dance community. I believe people who know us as a couple, wonder why I'm dancing lately without my W. The ballroom community doesn't know us as well, so I'm not as self-conscious there.
I go to venues where I think I'm needed, and where I am likely to find ladies to dance. I went out again on Saturday night to the dance studio where I take lessons. I was needed and was able to network on a smaller scale.
My W returned on Sunday afternoon. I was cooking for the PT job. She got angry about the dirty dishes, and in her haste to clean, knocked over the blender and broke the glass pitcher. She's now threatening to discontinue the cooking job.
We'll see what this week brings. I rotate amongst books Mars & Venus, DB, and Radical Acceptance. I also listen to Tara Brach podcasts. My IC is on Friday. I plan on dancing at least once during the week, and twice on the weekend, with a lesson on Thursday. I write at least 1/2 hour daily and a little more on the weekends.
I'm trying to ride the emotional waves without judgment or reactivity. I understand that acceptance means that I let go of the desire to control my W's actions or decisions. I understand that life isn't feeling good all the time.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Matilda, and Aud, My W shared with me tonight that she doesn't think the M is working-out and wants to move on with her life. She wants to be able to have romance, and intimacy and finds it lacking in our R. She thinks it's best to take a risk and see if she can find it elsewhere. She says that time is running out for her, as she approaches 50.
She recalled a sexual scene between the two of us on a vacation two or three years ago, citing the lack of intimacy. She vowed that she would never experience that again (I wasn't aware of this).
She's tired of my cleaning standards, and is tired of yelling at me. She keeps talking about breaking the negative cycle of yelling.
I chose to listen without responding. She wasn't looking for a dialogue, but presented a monologue.
She thanked me for giving her space, and that she's going to be needing more of it.
She said that this gentleman that she's hanging-out with lately is a great listener, and that she can open up to him and share her feelings and dreams.
I was oddly unemotional during the monologue. I do feel some sadness, but realize that the R has to die and be reinvented in some form.
Is she correct in that the problem is incompatability, and that our conflicts are unresolvable? Is DB the correct view in that we have to learn to relate to each other differently, so that intimacy can flourish? I prefer to think the latter is true. I don't think she wanted to hear my opinions.
Maybe there is someone out there who can manage her temperament better than I can. Maybe there is someone out there who's into connecting the way she wants to. Maybe there is someone out there who has the cleaning standards she wants.
She thinks she's made a good effort with the M. She believes she's waited long enough for the changes she's asked for.
At this point, I have little to work with, so will focus on GAL, and will not put up any resistance if she wants to leave the M.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, I am sorry too, but she may just be doing you a huge favour and one day you may see that too.
Has she had these convo's with you before and could it just be another rant from her or did you feel that she was serious this time. Whatever getting or continuing the GALing is no bad thing. Take care.
Maybe there is someone out there who can manage her temperament better than I can. Maybe there is someone out there who's into connecting the way she wants to. Maybe there is someone out there who has the cleaning standards she wants.
Maybe there is someone out there that will appreciate your gentle ways. Maybe there is someone out there that YOU will find the right connection that sparks your desire for intimacy. Maybe there is someone out there that appreciates your kind heart more than your cleaning standards.
Maybe there is someone out there that will appreciate your gentle ways. Maybe there is someone out there that YOU will find the right connection that sparks your desire for intimacy. Maybe there is someone out there that appreciates your kind heart more than your cleaning standards.
I was at the point of separation. I am not one to sit down and stay still. So what I decided to do was the "Love Dares". Now I was not all gung ho on thinking this would work.. but it did give me something to do for 40 days... I have seen changes in both my Wife and I and I am only on day 13. WHat do you have to lose?
DOc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
