For the last 2 weeks, really, but especially in the past few days, we've been talking a lot. I guess I latched onto the 180 concept pretty quickly, because I'm impressed with myself -- I'm rational, I'm reasoned, I don't attack, don't criticize, don't devalue her feelings.
Yes, I cry from time to time when things she says hurts, but I tell her it's okay that the truth hurts me she should still be truthful.
So today's "truth" was an oldie-but-a-goodie -- "if you truly loved me, you'd let me go."
That's a curious saying, because it's so treacherous and sinister -- how do you argue with the logic of it?
Tomorrow is our first marriage counseling session and I'm about as scared as it comes. She called from work tonight and said, quite clearly, she was happy with her decision to divorce; she is now angry that I've messed the decision up; when I say we have to see what the "work" looks like, her reply is "I don't feel like working much".
So I'm essentially staring up at Mount Everest, and my fear is that she'll resist because she's locked into the decision. She thinks of it as the first decision she's made in the marriage because when we moved it was for my work. Plus she's got this Hollywood Divorce image where we're really good parents (together) and really good ex's (together) and we take the kids out (together) and so on.
On the GAL, I'm as a GAL as I can be, all things being equal. There are 2 kids to raise (both grammar school), and I work. I have a lunch coming up this week with a friend, another the next week, a trip scheduled in July.
What I wrestle with is that HER GAL seems to be a lot more dangerous -- EA via the internet (though now her story is "I'm not interested in EA, I'm interested in sex," but she doesn't seem to equate contact with OG on the chat room as an "emotional" affair, even though it clearly provides emotional feedback).
What I'm really trying to do now is LIVE the 180 and not just model it.
