Turning Arrows Into Flowers

[Concerned_Listener]

Matilda, and Aud,
My W shared with me tonight that she doesn't think the M is working-out and wants to move on with her life. She wants to be able to have romance, and intimacy and finds it lacking in our R. She thinks it's best to take a risk and see if she can find it elsewhere. She says that time is running out for her, as she approaches 50.

She recalled a sexual scene between the two of us on a vacation two or three years ago, citing the lack of intimacy. She vowed that she would never experience that again (I wasn't aware of this).

She's tired of my cleaning standards, and is tired of yelling at me. She keeps talking about breaking the negative cycle of yelling.

I chose to listen without responding. She wasn't looking for a dialogue, but presented a monologue.

She thanked me for giving her space, and that she's going to be needing more of it.

She said that this gentleman that she's hanging-out with lately is a great listener, and that she can open up to him and share her feelings and dreams.

I was oddly unemotional during the monologue. I do feel some sadness, but realize that the R has to die and be reinvented in some form.

Is she correct in that the problem is incompatability, and that our conflicts are unresolvable? Is DB the correct view in that we have to learn to relate to each other differently, so that intimacy can flourish? I prefer to think the latter is true. I don't think she wanted to hear my opinions.

Maybe there is someone out there who can manage her temperament better than I can. Maybe there is someone out there who's into connecting the way she wants to. Maybe there is someone out there who has the cleaning standards she wants.

She thinks she's made a good effort with the M. She believes she's waited long enough for the changes she's asked for.

At this point, I have little to work with, so will focus on GAL, and will not put up any resistance if she wants to leave the M.

CL