Ok, so I'm not a newcomer, but I haven't been posting in a while....
No real relationship talk with my H for about 7 months, except for one converstaion in which he said he is still confused and if we got back together we would need to go to counseling.
He makes little comments once in a while that refer to us getting back together. "Maybe someday we'll go to FL for the holidays", and asking me if there's a ND college in CA where he wants to move to someday, as I am interested in going to ND school.
So here's my deal. I want to ask him to go to a marriage conference by Dr Les and Leslie Parrott. Has anyone ever heard of them???? It's at my church - which he has never gone to.
Regarding church, he's been pretty adamant about not needing it. But lately, he has made a few comments to indicate he's considering going. He asks me what they talked about, and when I say "You should come sometime" he has said, "Maybe I should."
So, my questions are:
1. Has anyone seen Drs Les and Leslie Parott, and if so, are they any good?
2. Does anyone recommend I go out on a huge limb and ask him to go - this is given the fact that I have no clue what is going on between us and also between him and OW. (See my previous posts below)
What can it hurt??? He can only say no.
I am inching towards the point in this R where I'm ready to work on our M or move forward in my life.
At least I'll have some sort of idea on where his mind is at in this whole situation.
Like I said, I have no clue what is going on. We're friends right now.
Any thoughts would be great.
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
I peeked in, but do not have anything to add. I know that my church sponsored a marriage seminar with Les Parrot back in the fall, but I do not know anyone that attended. I have heard good things about him, though.
As for whether or not H is ready--who knows? You do not know anything about the OW status at this point? Maybe it would be something you could try to find out before asking him about the seminar.
I am not sure what else to tell you. Perhaps some veterans will pop in.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Hi Belle, How are you? I was wondering about you last week. I have not heard of the Parrots but if you are thinking of asking....maybe something like...I am planning on going to a marriage conference at church. I would like to invite you to join me if you feel up to it. That way, he is not determining if you go and you are not pressuring. Good luck
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
Yes, it has occured to me that I need to ask him what is going on with OW. If he is having a full blown affair with her, I don't suppose he would want to go to this seminar.
It's so crazy because I can't imagine how he would be corresponding with me like this and having a full blown affair with her. I never knew him to be someone like that and this is exactly why he left me - the feelings for her were tearing him up inside. But like everyone else on this board, our spouses often surprise us with their morals and actions......
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
For months I have been trying to not care what H is doing with OW. He told me he needed to clear his head, not confuse it more with OW.
This has lead me to believe that he is realizing his commitment, and possibly is turning away from OW. He has been communicating with me quite frequently and we have even been out on some friendly "dates".
However, last week I saw them studying at Starbucks.
So I have been on a mission to find out what's going on. (I know, know, I'm a fool - the Starbucks thing should have been enough).
But I just drove by his apartment, and of course, her car is there. At 10:30 at night. In my mind, it can only mean one thing.
Surprisingly, I am not completely upset. Perhaps in the back of my mind I always knew it was happening but was hoping it wasn't.
Now, what to do.
I have been acting all friendly to him and having basically no R talks since Aug.
I think we need to talk. (I know, I know, you all will say not to talk).
But, I am not happy with this sitch. I don't approve of his extramarital affair. If I lose him b/c I confront him with this, then so be it. It wasn't meant to be.
I am not going to make it threatening.
But I've got a clear point to make: His actions are no longer honorable. I believed he was clearing his head, but it has been 8 months. We aren't going to sit on this for years like his sister is doing. (She has been separated for at least 2 years, and is having an affair)
I don't know if I want to be with this man who has no morals and values. And so disrespectful.
I really don't know how people get over affairs! Knowing that my H has been with another woman is so awful. I was not entirely comfortable with him sexually before this and I don't see me overcoming that now that he has been with OW.
Of course, with God, all things are possible. I know that. But it is so hard to see.
Just my thoughts. Thanks for listening.
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
For months I have been trying to not care what H is doing with OW. He told me he needed to clear his head, not confuse it more with OW.
This has lead me to believe that he is realizing his commitment, and possibly is turning away from OW. He has been communicating with me quite frequently and we have even been out on some friendly "dates".
However, last week I saw them studying at Starbucks.
So I have been on a mission to find out what's going on. (I know, know, I'm a fool - the Starbucks thing should have been enough).
But I just drove by his apartment, and of course, her car is there. At 10:30 at night. In my mind, it can only mean one thing.
Surprisingly, I am not completely upset. Perhaps in the back of my mind I always knew it was happening but was hoping it wasn't.
Now, what to do.
I have been acting all friendly to him and having basically no R talks since Aug.
I think we need to talk. (I know, I know, you all will say not to talk).
But, I am not happy with this sitch. I don't approve of his extramarital affair. If I lose him b/c I confront him with this, then so be it. It wasn't meant to be.
I am not going to make it threatening.
But I've got a clear point to make: His actions are no longer honorable. I believed he was clearing his head, but it has been 8 months. We aren't going to sit on this for years like his sister is doing. (She has been separated for at least 2 years, and is having an affair)
I don't know if I want to be with this man who has no morals and values. And so disrespectful.
Belle,
I don't think there's anything wrong with that, in fact I think it's EXACTLY what you need to do.
He's been playing you. Let him know that you know, and drop the rope and move on down your own path, not constantly peeking over your shoulder to see if he's following. At some point in the future, you may find that he's caught up to you, and that you're interested in walking with him again, but that's up to him at this point.
"I need space to clear my head" is almost always affair script for "I need more space in which to conduct my affair, unencumbered." I'm sorry.
Thanks for checking in on me, and thanks for the support. It means more than you know to hear your words.
I have been peeking over my shoulder and I don't want to do that anymore......
Just one thing though. I know you will probably 2 x 4 me, but I really want to put a letter on her car windshield. I wrote it if only for therapeutic purposes but would like to give it to her.
It's not mean or nasty, just basically saying that I don't understand how she can be having a relationship with a married man, as a Christian, woman, and human being how she can be disrespecting me like that. And also telling her that i hope when she is married someday and has problems with her H, another woman doesn't step in and try to replace her. And that I hope that she has really thought about what she is doing in this messed up situation. And that I can't imagine that this situation gives her good feelings or peace in her heart....
I don't know if I've really lost my mind so I'm not doing anything for a couple of weeks. But I will contemplate it.
Thoughts???
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
