A Navy Wife's Creed

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

And there it is!! Thank you again Greek!

Church was rough this morning. I have been taking a class to help heal relational brokenness. Last week we had to confess areas where we have sinned against others and God. I did not get to do that, as others had much to bring to the Cross, meaning that I would have that to do this week.

This week, the lesson was on forgiving others for hurting us. During the lesson, I was convicted over and over again about the unforgiveness I have harbored in my heart, the anger, the bitterness that I have toward OW and other members of my family over the years. I was first to speak in small group and it was gut-wrenching. I cried to the point that I have a headache now. It is like peeling back layers and layers of pain and dealing with it on deeper levels, so that we can completely connect with God and His perfect love for us.

I was able to speak the OW's name and ask God to forgive me not only for the bitterness, resentment, and anger I have, but in addition to help me to let go and forgive her for the pain that she has caused me and my family by her actions. I am at peace. While I know that there are deeper layers to be dealt with, I have taken the first step toward healing the part of me that her actions and my reactions has caused ti live in pain for over a year. It is true, Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

DH called yesterday to talk to the kids. After, he and I spent over 30 minutes on the phone. I heard the kids telling him repeatedly that they love him and that they missed him, too. So I know that he was saying the same to them. I can only continue to pray that God will bring him to full realization of the immeasurable pain he will cause them in the long run if he does not choose to turn from his current path. He and I talked about bills, the weather, and D17. He has not emailed her yet, despite asking me for her email address again almost a month ago. He says he wants to let her know that he is always there for her, that he loves her. She does not want to hear it. She cannot understand how, if he loves her and the littles, he can just walk out on them and not accept the pain he will cause them.

He said he was glad that I had new friends and was no longer friendly with the woman who hid D17 when she ran away. He told me that she was not a good friend and that it was good that I had distanced myself from her. We talked some more about D17 and if she was living at home. I told him that she was not and I did not expect her to move back home from my mom's. I told him that it was hard to have her gone, as I felt like I had lost a child. That was, unfortunately, one of the last things he heard, as he ran out of time on his phone card. Or maybe not. Who knows.

I continue to stand on faith that God is working and that my marriage will be restored in His time. I am getting myself emotionally and spiritually healthy in the meantime. If I do not, I will not be ready to tackle the difficult road of piecing and reconciliation when the time comes. Thank you all for continuing to support me and be here for me as I forge ahead.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[FaithfulH]

SMW,

I just caught up with your threads....I read the beginning of your sitch and the last few threads (so I am sure I missed some critical facts in the middle). But, I wanted to share my perspective on your sitch.

In my opinion (and I believe God is affirming this in you), you are an amazing woman who is as committed to God as any human can be. I am sure you have moments of doubt and pain that seem insurmountable...but, you have found the ONLY key to unlock your potential....turning it over to God! I don't know what God's timing is for your H's return (I mean spiritually...not physically)....but, I believe that you are in exactly the place that you need to be so that you will be there when he returns.

I was also glad to see that you read "Love and Respect" a few weeks ago. This book was second only to the Bible in helping me see how God intends for us to treat our spouses. More than anything the notion of stopping the downward spiral we create was a powerful one. I was also greatly moved by "Fireproof" even though it came out over 1 year after our restoration began. I watched it alone....because there are still moments in the depths of my own sitch that I find too painful to share with anybody. I see them now as wonderful trials that have borne amazing fruit both in my personal development and in my marriage...but, I also feel that God wants me to move forward.

Another great book that helped me through was "How You Can Save Your Marriage Alone" by Ed Wheat. I also read everything I could get my hands on by John Eldredge. I highly recommend "Captivating", "Waking The Dead", and "Sacred Romance".

I want to close with your own words from a couple of weeks ago....which showed me EXACTLY where you are! Your H will be blessed to have you in his life!

I cannot begin to explain the peace I feel most days, knowing that I am living to serve Him and in the process becoming the wife, mother, and woman that He has planned for me to be all along.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

SMW,

I just caught up with your threads....I read the beginning of your sitch and the last few threads (so I am sure I missed some critical facts in the middle). But, I wanted to share my perspective on your sitch.

Yeah, you missed some stuff, but for the most part you hit the important things--how desperate I was and hopefully how I have grown since then.

In my opinion (and I believe God is affirming this in you), you are an amazing woman who is as committed to God as any human can be. I am sure you have moments of doubt and pain that seem insurmountable...but, you have found the ONLY key to unlock your potential....turning it over to God! I don't know what God's timing is for your H's return (I mean spiritually...not physically)....but, I believe that you are in exactly the place that you need to be so that you will be there when he returns.

This part made me cry, FH, and I thank you for the affirmation! Yes, there are moments of doubt and pain, where the tears flow hot and wrenching. I miss my DH, my best friend. Yesterday was a huge step forward through the pain when I was able to put the demon of the OW firmly in perspective and realized that she and the stronghold of adultery have no power over me anymore. God has helped me get to this point and I cannot tell you how freeing it was to be able to let that go. I know it is not a complete healing, that I have only really started peeling back the layers, but with God's strength I will be able to fully overcome.

I was also glad to see that you read "Love and Respect" a few weeks ago. This book was second only to the Bible in helping me see how God intends for us to treat our spouses. More than anything the notion of stopping the downward spiral we create was a powerful one. I was also greatly moved by "Fireproof" even though it came out over 1 year after our restoration began. I watched it alone....because there are still moments in the depths of my own sitch that I find too painful to share with anybody. I see them now as wonderful trials that have borne amazing fruit both in my personal development and in my marriage...but, I also feel that God wants me to move forward.

I have not finished Love and Respect yet, but it has already made an impact in how I see the dynamics at work in my marriage. My Bible is still my greatest source of comfort--that and the teachings from Rejoice Marriage Ministries. For a time, I felt like life was at a standstill due to the deployment. Now, I see it as just a point in time to be worked through, helping me to have the needed time to grow and rediscover who I am in Christ.

Fireproof hit me hard. I went to see it at the theater two weekends in a row with two different friends. both of them gained a better understanding of me and what I was doing, which helped them to become more supportive of my choices. After my D17 watched it, she also seemed to have finally understood, too.

Another great book that helped me through was "How You Can Save Your Marriage Alone" by Ed Wheat. I also read everything I could get my hands on by John Eldredge. I highly recommend "Captivating", "Waking The Dead", and "Sacred Romance".

I have not heard of any of these books, but I plan on checking them out, especially the Ed Wheat book. Thank you so much for the recommendations!

I want to close with your own words from a couple of weeks ago....which showed me EXACTLY where you are! Your H will be blessed to have you in his life!

I cannot begin to explain the peace I feel most days, knowing that I am living to serve Him and in the process becoming the wife, mother, and woman that He has planned for me to be all along.

This part also made me cry. I love my husband, more so now that I have been growing in the Lord than I have at any other time in my marriage. A year ago I would have never thought it would be possible. I was in so much pain and did not know where to go or where to turn to find comfort from the pain. Little did I realize that the source for that comfort and guidance would come from my Heavenly Father and his Beloved Son, Jesus Christ. I now know to turn to him first instead of as a last resort. I had to go back through my threads to see where I had written what you copied from my post. I have become so enmeshed in the Lord, that I could not remember when I had become so confident in the power of the Lord. I know, for me, it has been good to look back to the beginning and see where I am now.

Please keep checking on me. The end of deployment is approaching and there will be new challenges to face. I am not sure what DH's plans are for afterward as far as spending time with the kids and at the house. I am going to pull up your old threads and read what I can about your situation. I have always been so touched by your spiritual understanding and position when I have read your posts to others. Thank you for taking me on.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[FaithfulH]

SMW,

Thanks for your kind words! I have added you to my "watch list" and will try to stop by from time to time. These days I don't come here often....but, rely solely on the Lord's leading. I promised Him during my darkest days that I would be available whenever HE asked me to move....and I am trying to be obedient to that promise.

Regarding the Ed Wheat book....I have to tell you that it is a very small book.....but, packs a whollop and is supported with scripture throughout! I think you will enjoy it.

BTW, does StrgMarvelousWmn stand for "Strange" or "Strong"?...just asking....LOL

Take care, sweet SWM!

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

SMW,

Thanks for your kind words! I have added you to my "watch list" and will try to stop by from time to time. These days I don't come here often....but, rely solely on the Lord's leading. I promised Him during my darkest days that I would be available whenever HE asked me to move....and I am trying to be obedient to that promise.

Well, I hope He moves you to keep an eye on me to make me more accountable!

Regarding the Ed Wheat book....I have to tell you that it is a very small book.....but, packs a whollop and is supported with scripture throughout! I think you will enjoy it.

The length of a book never puts me off. I read the last Harry Potter book in about 9 hours!

BTW, does StrgMarvelousWmn stand for "Strange" or "Strong"?...just asking....LOL

LOL It stands for Strong, a nickname that Greek, Coach's wife, gave me via an email. Although, there are days that "strange" would definitely apply, too!

Take care, sweet SWM!

I will and you do, too! I am glad your wife realized she had a treasure before it was too late.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[Tomato]

hi sis

...i mean marvelous sis ....ha ha ha.

i guess it is alright since Greek gave you that name...otherwise i was beginning to wonder just how humble of a statement that is. lol

i just read your back & forth posts w/ my buddy FaithfulH. He has played a significant role in helping me stay on track. I am very thankful of the Lord for the friendship that I have with FH.

and btw, i echo FH's comment that you are indeed an amazing woman who is as committed to God as a human can be.

oh and here is some more kleenex for the tears ...lol...good tears though, right sis?

i am enjoying myself here in Memphis where I have my annual recurrent training that i am in the midst of. I hope that everything is going wonderful with you and the "littles".

May His mercy and grace be your's.


T

[smartcookie]

((((((SMW))))))))

I LOVE the new name. It fits you so much better than either of the others.

Thanks for your support sweets. Things are going good.

[Kalni]

Hi Hon,
I like HON better, he he!! HON is YOU for me.
Anyway, I am glad you keep on improving and finding yourself. Things will turn out to be exactly as you want them to. I still remember clearly your dream about you renewing your commitement to each other (sp?).
Love
K

[mindfull]

SMW - LOVE the new name!!!

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

hi sis

...i mean marvelous sis ....ha ha ha.

i guess it is alright since Greek gave you that name...otherwise i was beginning to wonder just how humble of a statement that is. lol

I am strong and marvelous through our Lord who strengthens me. It is only through His guidance and wisdom that I am able to change, grow, and stand.

i just read your back & forth posts w/ my buddy FaithfulH. He has played a significant role in helping me stay on track. I am very thankful of the Lord for the friendship that I have with FH.

I sought out FH after reading his posts on another thread. I knew, too, that he was a source of strength for you from comments on your own thread. I am glad he decided to take me on and it strengthens me to know that another mighty, Godly, Man of God and prayer warrior has joined his prayers to mine and all who are praying for me and DH.

and btw, i echo FH's comment that you are indeed an amazing woman who is as committed to God as a human can be.

This means so much to me and I lift thanks to God that I am showing Him out through my actions and words.

oh and here is some more kleenex for the tears ...lol...good tears though, right sis?

Thank you! I hate having a runny nose and smeared makeup!

i am enjoying myself here in Memphis where I have my annual recurrent training that i am in the midst of. I hope that everything is going wonderful with you and the "littles".

May His mercy and grace be your's.


T

I love Memphis. DH flew me out there to visit him before we were engaged while he was in A school in Millington. We had a blast at the zoo. There was this crazy bear that just had tons of personality. We took tons of pictures to remember that day. Enjoy your trip and learn all that they need you to know.

The littles and I are doing well and counting down the days til Homecoming when we can see DH after all this time.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW