lol Melissa...there was a drill involved, that was about it.
So yesterday: I went to church...by myself..and afterward they have people that can pray with you, so...I went up and talked to this girl, Erin, and...and I told her the truth. That I'm married to an emotionally abusive alcoholic. As soon as I opened my mouth I started to cry.
Anyway, she was very gentle and understanding...she said I'm not the only one. And she said this church takes that kind of thing very seriously. She asked me the sorts of questions that showed me that actually know something about abuse. And I poured out how I'd been so afraid of talking to anyone through the church because I knew of a friend that went to her pastor (different church) on similar issues and was told she was a rebellious wife. She assured me that no one was going to tell me that, and that I didn't deserve to be treated this way and I wasn't a bad person, a bad wife, or a bad Christian.
She is going to send me some info via the net on some "resources" they have and she offered to plug me in to a "community" of some people who could continue praying with me, and help me find direction on what to do next.
Then I talked to my al anon sponsor on the phone on the way home. She was encouraging.
Then I came home and immediately felt guilty when I saw H. But...the truth is the only thing that is going to set any of us free. But I still feel guilty...he would KILL me if he thought I ever said such a thing there. Something like that would be unforgivable to him. It makes my stomach knot up thinking about it.
Then late afternoon we were having company, and cooking together, and he had started drinking his vodka..and I said, um, remember you're supposed to take S9 to batting practice tonight. And he got snippy and said I'm FINE. I said I know you're fine NOW, I'm talking about in four hours. And he got mad and said you know what, then YOU can take him!! And I thought ok then I will.
Then he said...do you think I have a problem with my drinking because you keep saying things about it all the time ( I guess reminding him he had to drive a child somewhere would be an example.)
Me: do YOU think you have a problem with your drinking? Him: No! Me: Then I guess it doesn't really matter what I think. Him: How about compared to YOU!! (stomps off) (this comment is beyond ridiculous) Me: Well...I don't drink and drive. (he can hear me in the next room) Him: <snorts> as if this is ridiculous. Me: Do you think it's normal to bring a mixed drink into the mall? Him: Yes. If it's my birthday.
A bit later he comes back in the kitchen...I say, look...you've just been drinking A LOT more lately..and I don't think that's particularly good for your health.
He was looking out the window with his back to me...and just said stiffly, I'll take that into consideration.
Then he had to run back to the store because he forgot something, and when he returned he brought me a bunch of flowers. Whatever that is supposed to mean. He didn't drink anymore before driving S9 to practice, but he made several comments about it...like he had to keep reminding himself.
I was also chatting away with his cousin's wife, and a couple of times he made comments about how much I was talking. He was in the next room talking to his cousin. Like, she can really talk, can't she? Are you letting her say anything?
