Just wanted to give an update on where I am. Of course no big change in my sitch but I've been alright, sometimes even great. I did have one interaction with H on Friday that I was not feeling so good about but through the grace of God, it did not turn into a disaster. I went by where H was working to discuss something with him. I worked really hard on keeping my cool although H said that I was getting upset and starting to yell, but I apologized saying that I want to have a civilized conversation and explained why I felt upset. Anyway, after I drove off my H, I started to cry in the car and wanted to tell him that he has no morals, he's the worst H a girl could find, etc. etc. And although I called H twice to tell him this, his phone kept ringing out. I pulled over, had a good cry, logged into this DB website on my phone, read a few posts and felt better. Then I sent H a text that I was calling to discuss business just to save the day. Thank God b/c I know now that I would have so regretted confronting H and being so emotional.
Anyway, so no real update. I feel really position about March and can't wait to see what changes will come this month. My goal is to detach even more from H this month. I realized that when I detach and it feels lousy that it also feels lousy for H too. Like last week when I was at the hospital visiting H's mother he showed up. I was in the hallway and left without saying bye to him. On my drive home it felt awful that this is where we have come to... the next day he sends me a text saying that he was thinking that on our wedding day I was the most beautiful bride. I felt like H was playing games to pull me back but I didn't give in. I sent a text back saying "yeah, I was looking real good. :)" So detaching seems to work.
