((((((Sandi)))))) I especially wanted to post for you...so you'd know I'm doing well.
Oh Sweetie Pie! I feel so honored that you chose me to put so many hugs around and give me a little special message. As far as still struggling to turn some things over to God.....well we all do that and probably always will to some extent. But I know that God is very aware of all you've been through and how far you have come and the length you've grown. He must feel a sense of pride (but of course, not the sinful kind)over his darling Amy at what she has accomplished.....but especially when she allows Him to lead her down those hard paths she has taken.
The things that I have seen unfold is nothing to what our Heavenly Father has known. He knows about all those times you cried and asked "why", and the times you tried so hard not to cry for the sake of your kids watching. He knows how badly you've hurt, honey, and He has always cared very much about that. Sometimes, we wonder if He's there watching and listening or if He really cares what we are going through.....but He does. I think there are many things we will never know the answer to "why" this side of Heaven, but as long as we can trust Him to take care of us......we will make it. It is a tough old world, but He is still on His throne! No matter what comes to past and how bad things look, don't forget that God is in control of history......and when we let Him....He will control our lives also. It all gets to be too much for me to handle and I tried to learn that lesson many years ago about turning things over to Him, however, my old nature wants to flare up and take over from time to time....LOL. It will always be a battle between the two natures.
I've said this all along and I certainly don't change my tune now.....you are going to be just fine, honey. It takes time, but you are going to be more than "just fine" b/c you are what winners are made of! Never forget Who you are!! I love you and I am so proud of you and how you have handled yourself in all of this terrible nightmare you've had to endure.
As far as the Newcomers, you have been a help to many people, and besides, you don't know who or how many read your old posts. Don't worry about not posting to "enough" people, but I hope you can stay in touch with us old friends cause we'll have to come looking for you if you don't!
I'll be glad when everything is finally over with the legal stuff b/c I think you will feel a certain amount of buden lifted. I know it will also hurt to close that chapter, but you are a positive minded woman and most of all you are very determined......and that is what counts. As you said, it is still raw, but it will heal! I think the healing will start as soon as everything is finalized. So, it is a bittersweet even, if I dare say that, b/c I think he has made it more than plan that he is not going to change his mind, so that frees you up to move on. It also frees you up from any guilt before God, or your kids, or your family, or anybody, b/c you did everything you could do to save this M.
So, be free darling, and be happy b/c you deserve it! If only I was looking forward to being 40 in a year.....lol. I would start celebrating tonight! You have so many good years ahead. Don't waste the future and don't cry over the past.
Love ya, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
