Ultimatims are ONLY for those who are absoluely certain that they can deal with the outcome IF it doesn't bode well in thier favor. NEVER give an ultimatum if you can't live with the results.
YOU are handling things well. You are building a friendship which is exactly what you need to do. Always DO what is working FOR YOU.
My Hs OW were not in the picture for me to give an ultimatum about. I never actually gave an ultimatum except with regard to being tired of my Hs indecision about working on this R or not. I was weery of playing nice and having him still stuck in the "poor me...my bad" mode. I had gotten to the poop or get off the pot point and was fully prepared to go on without him IF he didn't get his stuff together and start working with me on this R. It worked for me, he saw that I was about done allowing him to feel sorry for himself, that I was going to move on without him. He woke up.
My response to Left's post was about HER sitch...NOT anyone elses.
YOU must handle your recovery in whatever way works for you.
I think that a friendship is the first and most important step you have to take, and you're doing that. I PERSONALLY feel that if an H has an OW then the BS should withhold certain things so as to NOT allow their H to be a 'cakeman.'
Keep doing what you're doing...it's working for you. T2
