If you were so awesome when you first got together, could you not go back and try to do whatever you were doing back then?
Down..I'm pretty sure that's why she is still here...or hasn't booted me out the door...yet.
Along with DBing..at least my halfa$$ version..the first thing I did after the wake up call and before I even found the book and this site was to step back, look at what I had become and the way that I had treated my wife all these years.
I asked myself a lot of the same questions that come up on here...what did she see in me back then and what was different about me and the way I treated her.
My belief is that I have been very consistent in that respect...I try each day to show her that I love her, cherish this time with her and don't want the marriage to end.
The rest is where I think I have slacked off in the last few months....the changes I was making in myself that really had nothing to do with how things turned out between us...the things that matter for me, in my life, if we don't stay together.
I know they are all related to what we are trying to do on here, but as things stayed status quo, and she didn't push for a separation, we spent more and more time together...and I think I got complacent in my drive to be OK with or without her.
Even though things are still pretty good...there is that change in the dynamics, and sometimes I think it is because she doesn't see that drive I had the first...maybe 4 - 6 months...for things outside of the relationship.
As far as the love languages go...that stuff just confuses me in my sitch. If she has a LL...I can't figure it out, at least I am pretty sure she doesn't show hers by acting out any of them on me...maybe I need to read the book again, or pay more attention...I just don't even look for it any more.
Like you said, there are things I say or do that really seem to matter to her at times, but for the most part she is pretty unemotional about anything I say or do.
I still believe that is intentional on her part...not wanting to let on that she has softened in her stance on the marriage, or let on to me that she really appreciates or notices anything that I do for her.
One thing I will say about my wife..without many words through all of this, along with all the great, crazy times we have had..she has maintained a pretty firm and focused view of where this is all headed...and it ain't "happily ever after".
Her actions have spoken differently, and that keeps me hoping and working at it...but she has kept her poker face on through all of this....sometimes I'm just not sure if I can hang in for the long term waiting for her to show her hand.
