WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 4

[MrBond]

I think the underlying theme that everyone is trying to tell you is to stop analyzing your W. We've all done it, true, but there comes a time when you realize "hey, I've done everything I possibly can" then you understand that they have to do some of the work too. You can't force or make your W see things a certain way. She's going to think what she wants to think. The key is to make her think that the best option is staying with you.

You do that by being the man that you are. Not through words, but through actions. And those actions have to be sincere whereby you don't expect ANYTHING back. You learn to be totally giving.

You help around the house, talk to her when she engages her, keep things light and happy (even though you don't want to), play with the kids and that's it. You don't go out of your way to cater to her needs. This is not a 180, this is just giving her space.

She's pretty much told you on not so many words and actions that SHE can't get over the hurt, SHE would like to try. Well give her that chance to know what SHE wants.

Don't talk to her about it. Sometimes you have to let things go for them to work out.

Also, you spend so much time here talking about your W, but we hardly hear you talking about your kids. Shift your focus to them. Think of what they are going or will be going through. It will help you let go of your W. Concentrate on your kids and how they will cope with things in a worse case scenario.

You've still got a great chance and it's so obvious even if you don't see it. You've met her 2/3 of the way, now it's time for her to come up the 1/3. It's all on her and you can't CONTROL her.

Forget about 180s, LRT, etc. Just give her space to be her.