The Dark Man...undercover

[Jimbo]

OK- It's been almost 4 months without contact, and W has popped out of the woodwork long enough to sneak in the house while I was not home, pick up "all" her things and leave me a "dear John" letter. In the letter, amongst all the MLC blah blah blah, she "left it up to me" to contact her to discuss the filing of the taxes for the shop.

I was going to stay dark permanently, until I realized that I was not being entirely genuine with myself and my feelings as to why I was doing it. I was actually running away from the sitch- hoping against all hope that she'd miss me, and then open her eyes to what she was doing. But since she once told me "I need to miss you", I was rationalizing my behavior by convincing myself that I was only trying to accommodate her.

But in doing so, I was actually trying to "get her back".

But the Universe has a funny way of working its magic. In fibbing to myself, I actually wound up benefiting myself. While dark, I did a lot of work on me in the form of reflecting on me and how I contributed to the downfall of my M, and what I want out of a R, and what kind of person I want to be. And, of course, GAL.

I know now that if I am truly releasing her to God, I have no reason to hide anymore. She is going to do what she feels she needs to do. And if she feels she needs to see me to "discuss the taxes", then that is what I need to let her do. And if she feels that she needs to get a D, then that is what I need to let her do.

I called her new cellphone number today.

It rolled over into voicemail, and I told her that I was going to be in her neck of the woods on Thursday on other business (which is true) and that I was wondering if she were free then to discuss the taxes- and left it up to her to contact me.

Will she contact me? I honestly don't care anymore. Will she harp on about wanting a D? Probably. Will she push through with her plans to D me and marry the OM? I would actually bet cold hard cash on it happening now. Does that hold sway over my life? Not anymore. I have come full circle. I have nothing to fear anymore. Because I have accepted that this is in God's hands now. What will be, will be for the best.

I do hope she will be happy with her new found love. The odds are against her, though.