Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

Hi Guys, I've been lurking for a few wks, trying to find answers.

I've been with my H for 12 1/2 yrs, married for 7 this month. We have 2 Daughters, 8 and 6.

A yr ago my H said I don't make him happy anymore, and said he doesn't know why. He agrred to MC and we went to a couple of sessions, then she said it would be better to have IC w/ her since we had different issues we had to face. He didn't like it, said it made him feel worse, and brought up childhood pains he wasn't ready to relive.

We were "working on it" and he was willing to fix the problems we had. In Aug of 08 we went on a trip for a friend's wedding and he was Soooooo affectionate it was awesome, I had missed that so much. Sept of 08 a long distance relative of his commited suicide, my H got really sick, it was bad, I was there for him, he thanked me so much. He was being so affectionate saying I'm the best wife in the world, hugging me and kissing me constantly.

That same month he went out of town, to visit family, and while he was gone he told me he missed me more than any other time he had gone to see them, things were great. When he got back, he was a lil distant, I asked him why he was distant knowing he had been gone for 2 wks. Said he was tired b/c of an early flight and things like that. We got into a bit of an argument b/c he said I wasn't very appreciative of the fact that he was tired from traveling.

2 days later he came to surprise me at work, and took me out to lunch, he had NEVER done this before. While we were at lunch I said how romantic that was of him. He said if I knew you were going to consider this romantic I wouldn't have done it. I was just trying to be nice, not romantic. I asked hime why and he said he doesn't want to do anything romantic for me.

The next day I asked him what that was about, and he said look I'm not in love w/ you anymore. You don't make me happy. He said I never finish anything I set out to do, the house is never as neat as it should be, I have such a nasty attitude and I treat people mean, he says. He says he's tired of my nasty attitude, and my mouth. And he doesn't want to fix anything with me. I asked him about him missing me when he was gone and about me being the best wife in the world. He said he did miss me but when he got back he realized this just isn't for him anymore. He said I am the best wife in the world, but he's not sure why he is unhappy with me.

He says it's time to "do him" says he's been doing so much for me for solong that he has to find himself. Says he doesn't love himself anymore. He says he's not leaving the girls, he's leaving ME. He said he wants to get a car, and have $$ and move up in life, and those are things he can't have with me.

I was a SAHM for 5 yrs, but I worked PT for 3 of those yrs, but he says it's MY fault he had to struggle and get a 2nd job to support our family, b/c I didn't get a FT job. I asked him why he never told me how much it was hurting him and he says I should have figured it out and said Damn, let me get a FT job, b/c he is struggling. He knew we have absolutely NO ONE to watch our girls, and after school care is rediculously priced, but he doesn't see that now.

He told me he was moving out after the Holidays not to disturb the girls holidays. When the holidays were approaching, I asked him if he was still plnaiing on moving out after the holidays and he said he wasn't sure. But he did say that if he stayed it is b/c he doen't know how to tell the girls, and it doesn't mean he wants to fix anything w/ me b/c he doesn't. I asked him if our marriage is definitely over and he said yes, and gave me such an evil look.

Well, here we are in March, he hasn't left. We have a wknd trip planned this wknd, we still sleep in the same bed, ML almost every night,(the 1st time we did it, he TM the next AM and said sorry, we shouldn't have done that b/c he doesn't want to lead me on, I told him I'm a big girl, he wasn't leading me on, we were 2 adults with the same need in the same place at the same time, now we keep ML alll the time) and he began hugging me at night again. We do only peck on the cheek when one of us gets home or leaves. The other day he was leavin to the gym and was in a very good mood, and gave me a nice kiss on the lips, but now it's back to the cheek. He asks me to shower with him every night too????

I don't know what any of this means. I did snoop, I know, shame on me. Adn I found that he has a secret email acct that he signs on to his phone from work, then signs out before he leaves work.

He doesn't go out w/o telling me where he's going, he's always home from work on time. He does go to the gym nightly, but that's not new. So I'm not sure what's the pt in the secret acct, unless it's something emotional w/ some OW. B/c he is home every wknd with me, and there aren't any physical signs.

Any advice out there?? Could be this be a MLC?? What does it mean if he's hugging me at night again? This AM he ironed my clothes for me, he hasn't done that in yrs. Still just a peck on the chk for a kiss. He has been wrestling with me lately???

PS...He says he's been unhappy in our marriage for the past 4-5 yrs, but didn't want to hurt me by telling me, and that he's sorry it came out, but now that it is out, he doesn't want to fix anything. For Valentine's Day he got me my fave chocolates, he took me out to dinner. For his b-day back in Jan, I wa goint to take him to see his dad out of town, in another country, and he said the price wasn't worth it for a 4 day trip, but MAYBE NEXT YR. What's up with that? Plz help, I'm so confused, and don't want to read too much in to anything, to be let down.

Do you think if I finish a few life golas I had in the past he'll see I really am different now?

** Sorry for any typos I'm at work, and there are nosie people around.